The combination of insomnia, lack of coffee and a multitude of little things which had me in a foul mood led to a rash decision this morning. Okay, a few exaggerations in there as I don't ever really get into foul moods...a little pissy sometimes, a moment of ugh but never really foul...I can't stay mad. It is actually a problem as sometimes people really deserve for me to be mad at them but I can't. Now, it probably helps keep my blood pressure at its abnormally low level but still a little deep seeded anger never really hurt anyone, right? Also, the decision wasn't that rash or even have long term effects but it did make me feel a little better for a few minutes.
As I mentioned, I couldn't sleep last night...it probably had a lot to do with the 32 oz cup of Diet Coke I had a t 3:00 yesterday afternoon but I forgot about that until 12:30 this morning when I was still playing with the remote control and wondering how in the world I lived before DVR. But as I lay there I also ran through various thoughts in my head which were still lingering this morning. Thoughts which had me feeling that pissy tendency I commented on above.
Usually I keep these feelings inside and never let people know how really upset I am...another flaw I know...but it goes along with my whole "everyone has to like me" personality. And, when I say everyone, I mean everyone. I can not stand for people not to like me. I mean, c'mon, how could you not just adore me?! Okay, don't answer that...but it does explain why I don't usually say things if I think it will upset, anger or offend someone. However, this morning I was channeling a little of a few of my more vocal friends and knew I was going to tell someone that they pissed me off.
The question was who. First thought was my mother who insisted on commenting on every single picture, post, or status update on Facebook with something about living in paradise in her Northeast coastal home. Whatever!!! We all know she loves it there, we all know it isn't hot, we all know more than we ever wanted to know about that place. We also all know she can't drink as she comments every time we mention a cocktail...which is a lot! But, I know if I say anything to her, she'll cry and say I'm picking on her. So, what would have been a momentary feeling of release would haunt me for weeks. Okay, Mom is out.
Next on the list was Cutie...how in the world has he not contacted me?! I was fun. I was cute! I was charming! Heck, I was almost downright irresistible! So, how is that he has had no trouble resisting me. But, I quickly quash that insane thought as nothing says call me more than a snippy text from a woman you kissed. Oh yes, that would make him want to call again.
No, I could only think of one person who not only earned but actually deserved a quick piece of my mind...Alex! I knew part of my sour puss attitude was the result of the 8th dwarf now inhabiting the home that had been mine and Alex's failure to realize he had lost the absolute best thing that had ever happened to him. In all honesty, I have really decided I wouldn't want him back and know, deep down, I made the absolute best choice in leaving. But, my ego was at play this morning so off went a 158 character text that, for me, was pretty harsh. Granted, I said sorry in the verbiage of the text so it was no where near harsh by any other standards but for me, I felt a little better. Of course he didn't respond nor will he ever but I was able to tell him I hated that I lost the best friend I ever had and also let him know I was moving on.
So, after hitting send and then driving to Starbucks for my happiness in a green and white cup, I actually felt much better. And, am now back to my non hormonal, non pissy, cheerleader happy self! Phew....now I can go back to making sure everyone likes me.
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