Nice Guy with an Edge

My self named crazy aunt did one of her quick over night visits on her way to Palm Springs last night and as we were talking she made a rather profound (well, at least profound to the Nyquil pumping chest cold shadow of my former self I was at the time) statement. I was telling her about the date I went on Sunday night…don’t worry, I’m going to tell all of you about it too…and commented that the man in question may have been too nice. She said, “at some point you realize there isn’t such a thing as too nice…I get wanting men with an edge but don’t forget edges can cause bruises”. Wow…is this kind of like “letting a nice guy be nice to you”? And, if so, maybe these are those signs I keep thinking I’ll see when the time is right. Or, are they just like billboards you pass on the freeways…the ones that you see so often you don’t even notice them anymore?


Anyway, as I mentioned in my last blog, I did close down (again…and for the final time) my profile on the online dating site. However, prior to shutting it down, I received an email from a guy who seemed to be relatively smart, not bad looking, held down a job and actually had all of his teeth. After a couple of weeks of fun texts, emails and phone calls, I agreed to a quick drink. Of course, schedules were a nightmare so we finally picked a night and I wasn’t actually nervous. Granted, life has a way of throwing curve balls so when the night in question came around and I was suffering through the beginning of the aforementioned chest cold, I was very tempted to bag the whole thing and curl up on my couch with a sappy Nicholas Sparks book and a Jack Daniels laced cup of tea. But, you’d all be very proud of me because I put on my hot jeans, boots and cute but not too sexy top and went for it! And, to be perfectly honest, I had a very nice time.

He’s cute, not make my heart skip a beat hot, but nice looking…very tall, former football player, Italian contractor so, of course, he will now be referred to as Tony Soprano. I’d love to say it was love at first sight, actually, no I wouldn’t love to say that because he has been separated less than 6 months so it wouldn’t be smart on my part. But, really, no worries, because I didn’t feel butterflies but a part of me really wanted to. He has his own contracting business, coaches his sons’ various football teams, sounds like he has a great house, complimented me on my looks, and you could tell he’d be the kind of guy who’d cover you with an afghan if you fell asleep on the couch. I just know he’d be too nice…yes, I need to have my head examined. As well, I may be borrowing trouble as it isn’t like he has asked me to marry him. He did send the appropriate follow up texts yesterday and today though so I do think he was somewhat impressed…I’m still surprised when guys think they are lucky to go out with me. Wow…pretty much 10 therapy sessions needed in just one paragraph.

Anyhow, back to the profound statement…I think at age 42, I do still need the edge…at least a little bit of one. I like playing the back and forth game a little…I don’t want to be in constant question of how a man feels about me, but I also don’t want to know I can be in charge. If Tony Soprano asks me out again, I think I’ll go but I will also keep occasionally texting Hot Electrician and thinking that Nice Guy with an Edge isn’t really asking too much.

Because I said so...

Don’t you hate it when your own advice comes back to bite you in the butt? Well, I do! One might assume that would mean I’d quit giving advice but that is way too rational. No, I’d rather just state for the record, that I am definitely (not proudly) more about “Do as I say, not as I do”. This is never more obvious as now as I just hit hide on my recently re-activated online dating profile. I realized I just told a still single friend in her 30’s that online dating was a good option for her…and even recommended this particular site. But…and, yes…this is justification at its finest…she is in her early 30’s, never been married, and isn’t as set in her ways as me!


Really, if I’m being honest, part of the reason I want off the online dating merry-go-round, in addition to the inordinate amount of weirdos out there, it is because I’m too nice. Don’t roll your eyes…it is true. I started to feel guilty every time I didn’t respond to somebody…truly! Even if there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in Argentina I was going to go out with this person, I felt the need to respond. Why? Who knows! But, the more I responded the more I felt bad. And, who needs that?! So, while logically I know I will never see these people again, the idea that I took myself off the virtual menu at least makes me feel better about blowing off those who sent me messages.

Now, onto the other piece of advice I am not taking…or at least not right now…is “Let a nice guy be nice to you”. Yes, it sounds incredibly sensible and why wouldn’t anyone want someone to be nice to them? And, in my defense, it isn’t that I want someone to be mean to me…really, I don’t! I just know I can’t date someone who is too nice…I have a tendency to walk all over them. I really should come with a warning label…proceed with caution. Do you think they make those in rhinestone?