So, as much as I agree with the experts that say having a good relationship with my former spouse is incredibly beneficial for our children, at times I want to throw the entire healthy divorce concept out the nearest window (or at his head!).
The trouble is I am constantly reminded why we are no longer married, and I while I can seek solace in my own home with my dogs and a glass of wine, I no longer really have the luxury of telling him how I feel. If we were married, while frowned upon, we could argue or fight about an issue. I could tell him he was being selfish and contrary to the opinion of his overly large ego, it isn’t always about him.
But, we aren’t married (and, as you can tell, for good reason) and fighting with your former spouse is unhealthy and counter-productive (pretty sure that was the case when we were married too). So instead I endure a 45 minute conversation where he complained about this person or that, how far away our son’s basketball game is, how no one listened to his opinion and how he may as well just go have a glass of wine with friends after he drops off our daughter with me and our son at basketball practice (after lamenting that our daughter has commented about no time with him). Because I couldn’t say in a very sweet voice “Get over yourself you egotistical dingbat” I am now inhaling jelly beans and peanuts. The combination of which, while making me feel a little less homicidal, is erasing the 5 am visit to the gym this morning. Maybe that is why his current girlfriend lives at the gym! Actually, as she is no rocket scientist, I’m pretty sure his rants don’t faze her.
How is it that by divorcing him I lost the right to be mad at him? Pretty sure I don’t remember signing that agreement!
However, now that the sugar has shocked my system, I can think a little more clearly and admit, no amount of being able to be mad would entice me to be married to him ever again so I guess this is a small price to pay. I just better plan on lots more 5 am wake up calls!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Do you like her? Check yes or no.
Since I consider any of you who take the time to read my ramblings about my insane life, my friends, you might as well take part in our Operation Mathews (that isn’t the official name but I am protecting the poor unsuspecting innocent here). You can chime in with thoughts, suggestions or now that you know geographic location is not on my ever growing list, you can come up with a name or two yourself. I mean, why not?!
First, this whole being set up thing is a lot harder as we grow. What ever happened to your friend telling the guy Du Jour that you thought he was cute? Then during the next bell break, you two are going together. Granted, now as a mom, when my 6th grade son says Billy & Suzie are together I ask the same annoying question my mom asked me “together how?” Fortunately, I am, of course, much cooler than my mom was so we laugh and move on. (Hey, it’s my story so I’m again telling it how I want!)
Also, the current subject of our plot doesn’t want to make life easy by having a Facebook page. Then I could just drop cute witty little comments accompanied by my smiling face and alas he’d be smitten. Since he doesn’t have the page I can pretty much just assume that is how it would happen! I think there is a county wide petition being signed to get him to join but as of yet I haven’t gotten the very important friend request.
Of course, we have enlisted assistants in our plot through the incredible heart of my BFF’s husband. I’m sure part of his participation is based solely on his desire to see me happy but, I also suspect he could be motivated by the thought if I meet someone there, his wife will have less reason to want to fly 3000 miles to see me! Hey, I don’t care the reason, I’m just happy we have a little testosterone on our side. Although, that also does come with the need to be patient. Not exactly my strong suit…big shocker!
I guess he isn’t quite comfortable with the whole “So, I’ve got this girl (okay very mature girl) who I want to set you up with. Let’s see, she’s attractive (I don’t think I can claim hot), funny, smart, loves sports….and, oh yeah, she lives in California” conversation. Maybe we could help him with this one.
And, before you start to worry that I’ve become obsessed with this plan/plot…yes, I have! But, it is keeping me from venturing into the never to be visited again on-line world of dating and, more importantly, keeping me from texting Alex. Yes, after almost 2 years I still have to stop myself. I just keep hoping that the man who fits all the qualities on my list will make it so I can finally close that chapter once and for all.
So, for any of my Virginia reading friends, yes…feel free to chime in. For all of my CA friends, don’t worry, I’m not moving any time soon…just plan on racking up some frequent flier miles.
First, this whole being set up thing is a lot harder as we grow. What ever happened to your friend telling the guy Du Jour that you thought he was cute? Then during the next bell break, you two are going together. Granted, now as a mom, when my 6th grade son says Billy & Suzie are together I ask the same annoying question my mom asked me “together how?” Fortunately, I am, of course, much cooler than my mom was so we laugh and move on. (Hey, it’s my story so I’m again telling it how I want!)
Also, the current subject of our plot doesn’t want to make life easy by having a Facebook page. Then I could just drop cute witty little comments accompanied by my smiling face and alas he’d be smitten. Since he doesn’t have the page I can pretty much just assume that is how it would happen! I think there is a county wide petition being signed to get him to join but as of yet I haven’t gotten the very important friend request.
Of course, we have enlisted assistants in our plot through the incredible heart of my BFF’s husband. I’m sure part of his participation is based solely on his desire to see me happy but, I also suspect he could be motivated by the thought if I meet someone there, his wife will have less reason to want to fly 3000 miles to see me! Hey, I don’t care the reason, I’m just happy we have a little testosterone on our side. Although, that also does come with the need to be patient. Not exactly my strong suit…big shocker!
I guess he isn’t quite comfortable with the whole “So, I’ve got this girl (okay very mature girl) who I want to set you up with. Let’s see, she’s attractive (I don’t think I can claim hot), funny, smart, loves sports….and, oh yeah, she lives in California” conversation. Maybe we could help him with this one.
And, before you start to worry that I’ve become obsessed with this plan/plot…yes, I have! But, it is keeping me from venturing into the never to be visited again on-line world of dating and, more importantly, keeping me from texting Alex. Yes, after almost 2 years I still have to stop myself. I just keep hoping that the man who fits all the qualities on my list will make it so I can finally close that chapter once and for all.
So, for any of my Virginia reading friends, yes…feel free to chime in. For all of my CA friends, don’t worry, I’m not moving any time soon…just plan on racking up some frequent flier miles.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Home is where the heart is...
That phrase adorns needlepointed pillows, hearth decorated wall plaques and kitchen stencils all over America. We've all heard it, we've all said it but until recently I didn't really realize how it has dominated my life.
Yes, my kids are my world...my rock...my true center of being and with them, I am home. However, there is something, and it is something I can not truly explain that happens when I cross the county line in Mathews County, Virginia and I am truly home. It isn't just because the town has withstood the tests of time and I can still find my way around after 25 years...nor is it that the best friend I've ever known still lives there with her family...nor is it even that it has some of the most beautiful coast lines I've ever seen. It is because my shoulders ease up every time I hear someone say "what can I get y'all". It is because you'll never meet a stranger. It is because when I call someone honey or darlin' or sweetie, it is common place. It is because people there truly know me and love me. It is because it is home.
After much consternation and finally blackmail by my 11 year old son, I made a visit there a week ago. It was exactly what this heart both needed and should have avoided. Needed because I was reminded of what I am looking for in life, what is important, a place where hard work, loyalty, family all mean something. Where, while it isn't perfect and marriages still fall apart, there are more who are celebrating their 40th, their 50th, their 60th wedding anniversaries.
But, should have avoided because it reminds me that what I am looking for doesn't exist in the Bay Area of California...or, if it does, is much harder to find. The man who will love, adore, heck idolize me...while also understanding I need to be kept in check every once in a while, lives on the water in a small town 3000 miles away. And, for the foreseeable future, that is not where I will be.
However, instead of dwelling on being sad, my longtime BFF and I have a plan...one that involves some poor unsuspecting single dad in Mathews. One, who, in high school was the catch and now just needs to be reminded of that by some cute, almost sexy, California Virginia girl. No, he has no idea there is this plot to find him Ms. Wonderful. But, it sure will be fun!
As I was going through security, the TSA agent in Richmond looked at my driver's license and said with a wink "Now that's a beautiful California smile" to which I answered "Thank you, but actually, it is a great Virginia smile, just living in California." Now, don't forget to come back to this page, y'all.
Yes, my kids are my world...my rock...my true center of being and with them, I am home. However, there is something, and it is something I can not truly explain that happens when I cross the county line in Mathews County, Virginia and I am truly home. It isn't just because the town has withstood the tests of time and I can still find my way around after 25 years...nor is it that the best friend I've ever known still lives there with her family...nor is it even that it has some of the most beautiful coast lines I've ever seen. It is because my shoulders ease up every time I hear someone say "what can I get y'all". It is because you'll never meet a stranger. It is because when I call someone honey or darlin' or sweetie, it is common place. It is because people there truly know me and love me. It is because it is home.
After much consternation and finally blackmail by my 11 year old son, I made a visit there a week ago. It was exactly what this heart both needed and should have avoided. Needed because I was reminded of what I am looking for in life, what is important, a place where hard work, loyalty, family all mean something. Where, while it isn't perfect and marriages still fall apart, there are more who are celebrating their 40th, their 50th, their 60th wedding anniversaries.
But, should have avoided because it reminds me that what I am looking for doesn't exist in the Bay Area of California...or, if it does, is much harder to find. The man who will love, adore, heck idolize me...while also understanding I need to be kept in check every once in a while, lives on the water in a small town 3000 miles away. And, for the foreseeable future, that is not where I will be.
However, instead of dwelling on being sad, my longtime BFF and I have a plan...one that involves some poor unsuspecting single dad in Mathews. One, who, in high school was the catch and now just needs to be reminded of that by some cute, almost sexy, California Virginia girl. No, he has no idea there is this plot to find him Ms. Wonderful. But, it sure will be fun!
As I was going through security, the TSA agent in Richmond looked at my driver's license and said with a wink "Now that's a beautiful California smile" to which I answered "Thank you, but actually, it is a great Virginia smile, just living in California." Now, don't forget to come back to this page, y'all.
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