I love Christmas…the smells, decorating my house, the lights on all the trees in our cute downtown…but…and this is a pretty big but…I hate hanging up the lights outside. It is truly one more item I am adding to the perfect guy list…likes country music, drives a truck, thinks I’m fabulous and will hang Christmas lights!
However, since I really like the look of the lights, I want them hung! So, because I can be a bit stubborn at times (and yes, just a bit!), I got out my box of lights and started making my house look festive…not Griswold festive but good ole’ Southern charm, icicle white light festive…the kind of lights you see in all of the Hallmark movies. Yes, once again, I know those are fiction but seriously they sell the lights at Target, so how hard can it be?! I also forgot to remind myself that these made for TV movies also have electricians who hang their lights for them (once again, the electrician plays a starring role)!
Anyhow, after what seemed like several hours and more than one growl I had hung lights…okay, maybe flung, dropped, let land where they may, would better describe what I had done but they were up and I went inside relatively pleased with myself. I remained smug until dark when I actually turned the lights on. Oh my gosh, it looked like the light fairy had thrown up in my yard…and not in a good way! My house screams “lame, single woman lives here and sucks at Christmas lights!”
But, since I am nothing if not resilient, I went back to Target today and am now armed with $100 worth of easy button lights, extension cords and a whole new attitude. I’m going to show these lights who’s boss! And, if that fails, I’m calling 1-800-lightguy!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Ramblings from a Monday....
I’ve written before about having the “Tell Me” sign attached to my forehead and I apologize for revisiting this topic but after a few incidents this weekend, I believe the occasional verbal vomit story can be revisited.
As I mentioned I was hit with a pretty nasty case of the stomach flu...well, I am not sure I mentioned I had accidentally shared this incredible gift with my father who was visiting from Washington, DC. He came over on Saturday for a day of family, football and food…what I do best and left with a gift that just kept giving. He couldn’t leave his hotel room for 2 days…one of which was the day my stepmother was arriving from DC for our big mountain family Thanksgiving. Uh oh…
I had just picked the kids up from school and we were headed to our favorite little service corner where we could get lunch, my son could get a hair cut and my daughter and I much needed mani/pedis when my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my SM, and I knew she was worried about my dad and traveling across the country during one of the busiest travel weeks so I answered.
“I’m stuck in DC, trying to get to Minnesota but I’m going to miss my connecting flight and then I am going to end up sitting in a middle seat in coach, surrounded by amateur fliers and their screaming kids, I think I’ll just get off the plane now. Your dad needs to go to the emergency room and I can’t get there. I am going to just fly to Minnesota and then turn around and come home….” For a good two minutes this went on before I could even say a word. The kids were both trying to figure out who I was talking (or not talking to) while I was trying to figure out the appropriate course of action…while trying to talk her off the proverbial ledge…to the delight of her flight crew and fellow passengers I am sure.
After assurances that I had, indeed, made sure crackers and soda had been delivered to my dad’s hotel room and reminders that planes were flying to CA all day so she’d get here, her flight was boarded and she made her connecting flight okay. She called the next day and asked me to delete the earlier day as she was not herself. I told her no problem but next time, double the Xanax dosage.
Crisis averted, we got settled in our comfy pedicure chairs ready to forget our troubles. However it seemed the relaxation gods were not smiling on us that day as there was obviously some sort of salon drama playing out in front of us. The manager of the salon who was working with me at the time, kept apologizing for needing a couple of minutes and then she’d walk away to have a very loud heated conversation with one of the girls and then would come back all flustered. After the last break she just let it flow “One of my girls want to quit. Sometimes people misunderstand one another and it turn into a big deal”…at which point one of the girls sighs loudly while unpacking the big white bag of personal belongings she had been throwing into the bag during the flow up. My manicurist then went on to tell me about her husband who she married 3 years ago and who has been out of work since…All I could think was I am paying for this pleasure.
So, I am now 6 pounds lighter with great toes and fingers but with an ulcer the size of Texas….Great!
As I mentioned I was hit with a pretty nasty case of the stomach flu...well, I am not sure I mentioned I had accidentally shared this incredible gift with my father who was visiting from Washington, DC. He came over on Saturday for a day of family, football and food…what I do best and left with a gift that just kept giving. He couldn’t leave his hotel room for 2 days…one of which was the day my stepmother was arriving from DC for our big mountain family Thanksgiving. Uh oh…
I had just picked the kids up from school and we were headed to our favorite little service corner where we could get lunch, my son could get a hair cut and my daughter and I much needed mani/pedis when my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my SM, and I knew she was worried about my dad and traveling across the country during one of the busiest travel weeks so I answered.
“I’m stuck in DC, trying to get to Minnesota but I’m going to miss my connecting flight and then I am going to end up sitting in a middle seat in coach, surrounded by amateur fliers and their screaming kids, I think I’ll just get off the plane now. Your dad needs to go to the emergency room and I can’t get there. I am going to just fly to Minnesota and then turn around and come home….” For a good two minutes this went on before I could even say a word. The kids were both trying to figure out who I was talking (or not talking to) while I was trying to figure out the appropriate course of action…while trying to talk her off the proverbial ledge…to the delight of her flight crew and fellow passengers I am sure.
After assurances that I had, indeed, made sure crackers and soda had been delivered to my dad’s hotel room and reminders that planes were flying to CA all day so she’d get here, her flight was boarded and she made her connecting flight okay. She called the next day and asked me to delete the earlier day as she was not herself. I told her no problem but next time, double the Xanax dosage.
Crisis averted, we got settled in our comfy pedicure chairs ready to forget our troubles. However it seemed the relaxation gods were not smiling on us that day as there was obviously some sort of salon drama playing out in front of us. The manager of the salon who was working with me at the time, kept apologizing for needing a couple of minutes and then she’d walk away to have a very loud heated conversation with one of the girls and then would come back all flustered. After the last break she just let it flow “One of my girls want to quit. Sometimes people misunderstand one another and it turn into a big deal”…at which point one of the girls sighs loudly while unpacking the big white bag of personal belongings she had been throwing into the bag during the flow up. My manicurist then went on to tell me about her husband who she married 3 years ago and who has been out of work since…All I could think was I am paying for this pleasure.
So, I am now 6 pounds lighter with great toes and fingers but with an ulcer the size of Texas….Great!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Looking for a positive spin
I don’t get sick very often…thank goodness! I don’t know if my body just knows I don’t the time for it or if I was just blessed with good health (I get the weird stuff that means monthly visits to my Ob/Gyn but the common cold not so much). Either way, I am thankful for the lack of germs that visit my body…especially after being completely knocked on my butt by the stomach flu this weekend.
Here I was making a great game day feast for my family (which everyone enjoyed) when I realized I was not going to make it to the night game. 2 days and 6 pounds lighter and I may be back among the living. Yikes! That was just rough.
Anyhow, as I can’t imagine anything worse than reading about someone getting sick, I will just move right on to the 6 pounds. So, now they are gone, and I won’t let them come back. I had already started the new exercise regime so this is just the kick start I needed, right?!
So that was the positive I got from my lost weekend…plus the realization whatever man I meet next better be understanding, as well as drive a truck, like country music, be tall, etc…as I expect a little TLC every now and then…
Here I was making a great game day feast for my family (which everyone enjoyed) when I realized I was not going to make it to the night game. 2 days and 6 pounds lighter and I may be back among the living. Yikes! That was just rough.
Anyhow, as I can’t imagine anything worse than reading about someone getting sick, I will just move right on to the 6 pounds. So, now they are gone, and I won’t let them come back. I had already started the new exercise regime so this is just the kick start I needed, right?!
So that was the positive I got from my lost weekend…plus the realization whatever man I meet next better be understanding, as well as drive a truck, like country music, be tall, etc…as I expect a little TLC every now and then…
Thursday, November 18, 2010
New Game Plan
So, while I have made half hearted attempts the last few months to get back into my old routine and kick my exercise habits into overdrive, the time for denial is now over! At the risk of sounding like one of the contestants on the Biggest Loser, “America, next time you see me I’ll be strutting my stuff in my size 8’s!”.
Why the new found enthusiasm you might ask? Well, it is a combination of occasions which has made me realize the back this baby has needs to lose the wide load label. First, I made the way overdue decision to clean out my closet last week and as I looked at size 6 after size 6 after…pairs of pants that I haven’t worn in at least 2 years I realized this was no longer just a phase in my life but a new era. And, one I wasn’t overly excited about. Push number 1…
Then, as I went to the doctor a few days later for my annual mammogram the nurse actually had to move fat out of the way. Now, don’t tell me I imagined it because I didn’t! She actually had to reposition me and push skin in the other direction. Seriously!! I had reached new lows…Push number 2….
Finally, as I have very slowly reached the realization that Alex is never coming to his senses and, maybe, just maybe one day I may actually want to meet Tim McGraw’s single brother who knocks on my door one day, I need to feel good about myself. While a dear friend told me that the guy doesn’t notice the extra 10 (okay, 20!) pounds, I do. And, because I do, I’m just not as “out there” as I’ve been in my life.
So, world, here we go. I may not have Bob & Jillian in my house screaming at me to get my booty in gear but I do have motivation so watch out!
Why the new found enthusiasm you might ask? Well, it is a combination of occasions which has made me realize the back this baby has needs to lose the wide load label. First, I made the way overdue decision to clean out my closet last week and as I looked at size 6 after size 6 after…pairs of pants that I haven’t worn in at least 2 years I realized this was no longer just a phase in my life but a new era. And, one I wasn’t overly excited about. Push number 1…
Then, as I went to the doctor a few days later for my annual mammogram the nurse actually had to move fat out of the way. Now, don’t tell me I imagined it because I didn’t! She actually had to reposition me and push skin in the other direction. Seriously!! I had reached new lows…Push number 2….
Finally, as I have very slowly reached the realization that Alex is never coming to his senses and, maybe, just maybe one day I may actually want to meet Tim McGraw’s single brother who knocks on my door one day, I need to feel good about myself. While a dear friend told me that the guy doesn’t notice the extra 10 (okay, 20!) pounds, I do. And, because I do, I’m just not as “out there” as I’ve been in my life.
So, world, here we go. I may not have Bob & Jillian in my house screaming at me to get my booty in gear but I do have motivation so watch out!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Not quite Joe Nichols worthy…
Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a big drinker. No, believe me, I’m not saying I don’t drink because well, I’d be lying. I’ve mentioned BevMo more often in my blogs than most family members so we all know I am not opposed to alcohol at all. To be more accurate, I don’t get drunk. I can probably count on both hands the number of times I’ve been out and out drunk in my life…thank goodness!
And, again, I have no problem with people who drink like that, I just can’t…as a complete and total control freak, the idea of not being in absolute control of my actions is beyond comprehension. And, it is very difficult to be smart sexy when you are slurring your words so I just don’t make it a habit. Now that I’ve laid the groundwork for my philosophy on drinking, forget that for this blog as I definitely drank more than I wanted to or should have a few weeks ago which is where my trip down Embarrassment Avenue comes into play.
One of my girlfriends and her husband threw a long awaited summer party, which turned into a Fall Fiesta right around Halloween. When the idea first emerged her incredibly cute electrician brother (yes, THAT electrician) and I joked she should have an ice luge at the party. She had no idea what we were talking about so I promised her I’d have one for her at the much anticipated event. And, I did…(thank you Amazon.com…and 24 hours in the freezer).
The shooting star ice sculpture was a hit…but of course, had to be tested…again, and I guess, again. People of all legal ages were drinking ice cold tequila like it was water. Unfortunately this included me. I don’t know what I was thinking but the fun cute happy smile was no longer in my control as my flirting with Mr. Hot Electrician was just not so cute any more (in my mind) so I went to bed…immediately.
I woke up the next morning, totally mortified. I know I didn’t do or say anything completely outrageous, just out of character for me. I couldn’t text Mr. Hot Electrician fast enough to apologize for gosh knows what I said. He was incredibly gracious and told me how much fun he had. Ay yay yay….really? Am I 16?!
But, as I really am just all that witty…I took this as an opportunity to make fun of myself a few more times via text with him…each time resulting in a quick exchange of fun flirty messages. And, while nothing has still come of the chemistry (which I believe to be there), I have to say the fact he spelled every word in all of his texts correctly…which as we know is a big one for me. Maybe that is a sign…
Anyhow, I’m now back on the no tequila for me band wagon…(at least it didn’t make my clothes fall off!)
And, again, I have no problem with people who drink like that, I just can’t…as a complete and total control freak, the idea of not being in absolute control of my actions is beyond comprehension. And, it is very difficult to be smart sexy when you are slurring your words so I just don’t make it a habit. Now that I’ve laid the groundwork for my philosophy on drinking, forget that for this blog as I definitely drank more than I wanted to or should have a few weeks ago which is where my trip down Embarrassment Avenue comes into play.
One of my girlfriends and her husband threw a long awaited summer party, which turned into a Fall Fiesta right around Halloween. When the idea first emerged her incredibly cute electrician brother (yes, THAT electrician) and I joked she should have an ice luge at the party. She had no idea what we were talking about so I promised her I’d have one for her at the much anticipated event. And, I did…(thank you Amazon.com…and 24 hours in the freezer).
The shooting star ice sculpture was a hit…but of course, had to be tested…again, and I guess, again. People of all legal ages were drinking ice cold tequila like it was water. Unfortunately this included me. I don’t know what I was thinking but the fun cute happy smile was no longer in my control as my flirting with Mr. Hot Electrician was just not so cute any more (in my mind) so I went to bed…immediately.
I woke up the next morning, totally mortified. I know I didn’t do or say anything completely outrageous, just out of character for me. I couldn’t text Mr. Hot Electrician fast enough to apologize for gosh knows what I said. He was incredibly gracious and told me how much fun he had. Ay yay yay….really? Am I 16?!
But, as I really am just all that witty…I took this as an opportunity to make fun of myself a few more times via text with him…each time resulting in a quick exchange of fun flirty messages. And, while nothing has still come of the chemistry (which I believe to be there), I have to say the fact he spelled every word in all of his texts correctly…which as we know is a big one for me. Maybe that is a sign…
Anyhow, I’m now back on the no tequila for me band wagon…(at least it didn’t make my clothes fall off!)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I'm baaaaccckkkk
We now return to the previously scheduled programming of my life…as I took a brief hiatus to focus on my unsuccessful attempt to be the next Barbara Eden and Harper Valley PTA star. But as I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, I believe I lost because really, how exciting would a blog be if it was all about school board politics? Yawn!
So, to catch you all up to speed on the non-earth shattering but somewhat amusing activities which happened during our commercial break….
While I did lose my run for the school board, I did take simple (albeit somewhat sick) pleasure in the fact that every single time Alex and the dwarf drove to work or outside of town they had to pass by huge signs with my name on them. Okay, yes, I am moving on, but have to admit I found that funny.
Halloween was once again an event for the ages as the former husband, and the GF plus the kids and me participated in the downtown trick or treat adventures. The two of them coming in matching surgical outfits because as my daughter informed me…”Daddy has a heart on his chest because “GF” has made him Dr. Love”…no, I didn’t actually vomit on the spot but laughed out loud quite a bit. Oh my gosh! But, my favorite part of the night was watching people’s faces as they saw the two of us with the kids (a very common occasion) but then saw the addition of the GF grasping his hand as if she may actually get lost if she didn’t hang on for dear life. I, of course, poured a nice glass of cabernet to go with the candy bar I snagged from my kids’ stash as soon as I got home.
There is still no knight in shining armor parking his horse outside my front door but I will catch you all up to date on my foray into embarrassment land tomorrow.
Thanks for being patient with me!
So, to catch you all up to speed on the non-earth shattering but somewhat amusing activities which happened during our commercial break….
While I did lose my run for the school board, I did take simple (albeit somewhat sick) pleasure in the fact that every single time Alex and the dwarf drove to work or outside of town they had to pass by huge signs with my name on them. Okay, yes, I am moving on, but have to admit I found that funny.
Halloween was once again an event for the ages as the former husband, and the GF plus the kids and me participated in the downtown trick or treat adventures. The two of them coming in matching surgical outfits because as my daughter informed me…”Daddy has a heart on his chest because “GF” has made him Dr. Love”…no, I didn’t actually vomit on the spot but laughed out loud quite a bit. Oh my gosh! But, my favorite part of the night was watching people’s faces as they saw the two of us with the kids (a very common occasion) but then saw the addition of the GF grasping his hand as if she may actually get lost if she didn’t hang on for dear life. I, of course, poured a nice glass of cabernet to go with the candy bar I snagged from my kids’ stash as soon as I got home.
There is still no knight in shining armor parking his horse outside my front door but I will catch you all up to date on my foray into embarrassment land tomorrow.
Thanks for being patient with me!
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