You know the t-shirts I'm talking about...that tout your ability to ride a scary roller coaster, or white water through some rapids. Well, I completely deserve a t-shirt, a long nap and the venti triple non fat latte I had yesterday...and then some! Let's start first with a little recap of my split personality weekend. It definitely goes down as one for the books.
As the week came to a close on Friday, I was craving a little couch time with my pups, some trashy television and a glass of wine. However, months ago when I signed up the Lemon Drops and Lingerie Party at the school auction I didn't know I'd want my couch so much. So, after much debate, I decided I would go and serve as the designated driver for my group of Mom friends. Yes, this is the same group I worried about serving bourbon soaked brie to...but this time with my one close friend...so figured I could manage. Picture every private school mom image you can come up with...and then add incredibly expensive fancy bras and baby doll dresses. Yeah, Desperate Housewives meets Real Housewives of Northern California. I, of course, managed to pick out one of the most expensive bra and pantie set available but I do think it is adorable! And, I was able to cause quite the stir when it became apparent I wear thong underwear! Scandal!
After doing Mom stuff all day Saturday, I got ready to go out to start celebrating my birth month (yes, I get more than a day...have a problem with that?!) with a group of girlfriends and their husbands. We'd planned on a few drinks at a nice upscale restaurant/bar in town so dressed in the standard Ladies' Night Out attire...low rise jeans, lace camisole and long sweater...with high heeled boots, of course! I guess a time out for a visual is appropriate. For the throngs of readers who don't me...I've been told I look like Elisabeth Shue (just add a size or two)...but during her Cocktail days...not Leaving Las Vegas.
After 2 respectable Cosmos and lots of laughs with friends, we decided to head to the next town to go to a retirement party for a local firefighter. Don't worry, we weren't crashing, one of my friends really was invited. While it was late (I mean after 10!), it is hard to say no to firefighters. So, we loaded into the truck and headed south...The town we went to is known for its eclectic mix of cowboys and bikers, with a few local field workers thrown in. So, yes, when a group of 4 attractive women and one very large intimidating police officer husband, walked into the party, the crowd definitely quieted a bit. It was like those scenes in old westerns when the music stopped playing, the bartender put down the glass and you waited for the duel to start. Okay, maybe not that bad but it was an obvious entrance. We didn't exactly fit in...but we knew several people so stayed and danced for about 30 minutes.
Of course, you take married friends who have escaped their teenage child for the night and they are not ready to go home...which leads us down the street to a biker bar that tried to cater to all walks of life...but one, nonetheless, that truly had a sign thanking the local chapter of the Hell's Angels for their sponsorship. Yeah, pretty sure I wasn't meeting my next date in this establishment. Or at least I really hoped not!! Our group had now grown to include about 4 local firefighters so I was thinking our odds were much better than before. However, I did not stray, for any reason, from the sight of our built in body guard!
One of the ladies we were with had bigger hair than most and kept re-applying her lipstick so she immediately became a target for the glares and cutting eyes from the resident female occupants of the bar. These only got worse when I asked her what she wanted from the bar and she replied "Oh, I only drink lemon drops." To which my response was "Really???? You are having a Corona!" Hello?! Nothing screams spoiled white chick like ordering a sugar crusted rim drink in a bar named after Whiskey! As much as I may have stood out, I do at least know how not to draw attention to myself. I should mention at this point, that the woman in question was actually the old girlfriend of Hot Electrician...seriously, my world is too small!!! But, I was with his sister and his cousins so maybe that is really not that much of a coincidence.
I was just getting ready to chide myself for being nervous when we walked in when our stand in body guard grabbed us all in one fell swoop and led us to the door. Turns out one of our less intelligent firefighters thought it was a good idea to disrespect the man wearing the leather vest that said "El Presidente" ...which signified his importance in the Tortured Souls biker gang. Again, seriously? How in the world was I trying on lingerie with the wives of former NFL players Friday night and now being whisked out of Harley Heaven before a fight broke out. No wonder I just stay home!!!
We ended the evening by going to hot electrician's house...his sister, his cousins, his ex girlfriend...and me, the girl who flirted with him during her Patron induced fit of stupidity! Fortunately, this night I was sober and he was not! After a few hours of silly laughter, several "I love you, Man's" from the drunk testosterone crowd, and a couple of touches I know Hot Electrician wouldn't have made had he been sober, and we finally called it a night/morning.
As I crawled into bed for a few hours of sleep before being Sporty Spice Mom at my son's basketball game, I pulled my dogs close and marveled at the lives people lead. However, I also realized that the adventures I have had just add to my strength, my contentment and my conviction that I am where I'm supposed to be.
So now, after surviving 2 years of living, crying, learning, enjoying I definitely deserve that t-shirt.
