On my 35th birthday (just a few years ago), I received a letter announcing in big bold letters that in 15 years I'd be eligible for all kinds of discounts as an AARP member. I was floored...AARP? Wasn't that for old people? I mean, I celebrated my 35th by getting my belly button pierced (granted, my 35th year was all kinds of transition period) so there was no way I was even thinking about being 50! But fast forward a few years, one divorce and one major emotional breakup and 50 isn't looking too bad anymore. Not me turning 50! No, that still is a LONG way off, but I have been rethinking the 50 year old man as a possibility.
Think about it, a 50 year old man should be done with his mid life breakdown and either has the Porsche as his weekend car or sold it all together for the much more comfortable Escalade or Mercedes sedan (yes, my 50 year old is financially comfortable). He has been through his divorce and has been able to make it on his own. He either has teen agers or started early and has young adult children but is still youthful enough to appreciate my little angels. And, probably most importantly, I'm still looking like a young (well, younger) hottie (okay, cutie) to him. According to my new favorite colleague at work (she's always been amazing but with this comment, to the top of the list...haha), I'm a good looking 42...so really, shouldn't that mean to a 50 year old man, I am a total catch?!
I'm constantly concerned that my legs aren't firm enough, my arms aren't toned enough, my stomach and booty certainly not small enough to compete with the 35 year olds out there so maybe I need to increase my bottom and top age limits on my list. The 35 year old guys are looking at the 29 year old girls, the 40 year old men checking out the young 30 yr old women so really, I do think the sliding scale may need to slide just a bit.
Granted, I did come to this realization in a somewhat biased situation. I was checking out (hey, I'm honest) the men after our annual golf tournament yesterday as they enjoyed a 19th hole beverage or two and really, guys just look good in golf wear. The shorts, polo and baseball hat, topped off with sun kissed skin and the smile that comes with a day on the golf course just combines to make a nice package. So, in a room full of well off, financially secure, tanned golfing guys, I probably was going to find one or two pretty attractive older men. Of course, those men also had the gold ring on their left hand so no go there. But, it did get me to thinking, maybe 50 is a golden year for a reason.
So, next time I get my reminder for the upcoming AARP specials, I may just check out their singles options. Hey...it couldn't hurt.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Pause for a Commercial Break
Yes, we've established my life isn't all that bad...I have a good job, my kids are pretty darned amazing, my hairdresser works hard to cover the gray that is sneaking (okay, jumping through) my roots, and I live in CA (not Huntington Beach, CA but the Golden State, nonetheless), so really, why am I pausing that incredible life for a complaint commercial? The answer is simple...I went to Santana Row for lunch!
Okay, for those of you not familiar with the Silicon Valley Bay Area, Santana Row is the shopping center/restaurant Mecca of the Beautiful People. It is Northern CA's answer to Rodeo Drive...just without the Hollywood stars. Granted, at lunchtime on a Tuesday there are plenty of "normal" people as well, but more often than not, there is a large contingent of the lounging pretty people. I'm not exactly sure what they do for a living that allows them to spend hours just sitting by the fountain waiting for the world to notice them. They aren't reading or working frantically on their iPad...no they are just enjoying the sunshine and a no fat, no sugar, no nothing iced something from Starbucks...while the rest of us pretend to live a life of leisure between meetings and work at the office.
Yes, believe me, I know I would be bored if I didn't have a full life...but, at this point in time, I'm pretty sure I could find a way to occupy my hours that didn't involve sitting in an office. I could write more for you guys...obviously that is a very lucrative profession. I'm not pining for a millionaire to sweep me off my feet (while of course I wouldn't turn that down...) as I know the chances of that are slim, but really, how do these people exist? Obviously I wasn't smart enough to marry a rich guy the first time around so I could be a wealthy divorcee, and we know the exodus from Alex's life cost me money so that certainly didn't help matters. So, I don't see me joining the ranks of the Relaxing (non-eating...hello, they weigh like 50 pounds!) Row-ers any time soon.
Again, this is just a small break from my normal disgustingly cheerful self to wonder what class I missed in school that would have led to that lifestyle. Now, of course I know I could fix these moments of envy by just not going to Santana Row but then, what is the fun in that?!
Okay, for those of you not familiar with the Silicon Valley Bay Area, Santana Row is the shopping center/restaurant Mecca of the Beautiful People. It is Northern CA's answer to Rodeo Drive...just without the Hollywood stars. Granted, at lunchtime on a Tuesday there are plenty of "normal" people as well, but more often than not, there is a large contingent of the lounging pretty people. I'm not exactly sure what they do for a living that allows them to spend hours just sitting by the fountain waiting for the world to notice them. They aren't reading or working frantically on their iPad...no they are just enjoying the sunshine and a no fat, no sugar, no nothing iced something from Starbucks...while the rest of us pretend to live a life of leisure between meetings and work at the office.
Yes, believe me, I know I would be bored if I didn't have a full life...but, at this point in time, I'm pretty sure I could find a way to occupy my hours that didn't involve sitting in an office. I could write more for you guys...obviously that is a very lucrative profession. I'm not pining for a millionaire to sweep me off my feet (while of course I wouldn't turn that down...) as I know the chances of that are slim, but really, how do these people exist? Obviously I wasn't smart enough to marry a rich guy the first time around so I could be a wealthy divorcee, and we know the exodus from Alex's life cost me money so that certainly didn't help matters. So, I don't see me joining the ranks of the Relaxing (non-eating...hello, they weigh like 50 pounds!) Row-ers any time soon.
Again, this is just a small break from my normal disgustingly cheerful self to wonder what class I missed in school that would have led to that lifestyle. Now, of course I know I could fix these moments of envy by just not going to Santana Row but then, what is the fun in that?!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
It is all about perspective...
I was commenting to a very wise woman the other day that this is not where I expected to be at this point in my life...42 years old, single mother of 2, with a relatively non-existent savings account and she pointed out that really, many people look at my day to day activities and wish they were me. I stopped to think and realized of course she was right. Her pearls of wisdom didn't magically make my bank account grow or for my version of Jake Perry from "Sweet Home Alabama" show up on my doorstep but it did make me, again, grateful for the life I am leading.
Of course, I do have to throw in the caveat that the wise woman referenced above happened to be Alex's mom who I spent a very enjoyable evening/day with at a local county fair. I mean, who doesn't spend the day rocking out to soul music with the mom of their ex. Hello, this is the 21st century and it is what we do! Actually, it is very special to me that I did not lose that family when my relationship with Alex took a major detour. If you have read this blog at all over the past year, you know I don't like to lose people and need to be liked...it is double when it comes to those involved in my relationships. Yes, I realize I'm a great case for therapy...and have sat on many a couch.
Anyhow, she and I, along with a high school friend of hers, danced, sang and kicked off a non stop weekend for me. After that adventure I volunteered at the snack shack for a high school dance for our local basketball program. Oh my gosh....thank goodness I am one, not in high school anymore and, two, that neither of my kids are yet. That place was crazy...since when did Victoria's Secret type bras become appropriate dance wear for the under 18 set? Did their mothers see them leave the house like that?! Yikes! I came home feeling very old but happy that dating for me didn't involve ear blasting pump music and string bikinis.
I then made myself get cuted up for a Saturday afternoon BBQ with friends and a solo appearance at a local theater company owned by my dear friends. Going stag to events is not my favorite activity as I'd much rather have a +one but I also refuse to stop living my life because I am not sharing my queen size bed with males that don't have 4 legs and fur. I also know that whoever I do meet is going to need to fit into the life I have made for myself because I really kind of like it.
So, again, chalk one up for steps toward improvement. I would have loved to have been spending this Father's Day weekend with my dad or celebrating the fatherhood traits of someone I am with, but I also didn't sit home, mope and eat a bag of jelly beans. Yes, I guess my life is one that other's wouldn't mind having.
Of course, I do have to throw in the caveat that the wise woman referenced above happened to be Alex's mom who I spent a very enjoyable evening/day with at a local county fair. I mean, who doesn't spend the day rocking out to soul music with the mom of their ex. Hello, this is the 21st century and it is what we do! Actually, it is very special to me that I did not lose that family when my relationship with Alex took a major detour. If you have read this blog at all over the past year, you know I don't like to lose people and need to be liked...it is double when it comes to those involved in my relationships. Yes, I realize I'm a great case for therapy...and have sat on many a couch.
Anyhow, she and I, along with a high school friend of hers, danced, sang and kicked off a non stop weekend for me. After that adventure I volunteered at the snack shack for a high school dance for our local basketball program. Oh my gosh....thank goodness I am one, not in high school anymore and, two, that neither of my kids are yet. That place was crazy...since when did Victoria's Secret type bras become appropriate dance wear for the under 18 set? Did their mothers see them leave the house like that?! Yikes! I came home feeling very old but happy that dating for me didn't involve ear blasting pump music and string bikinis.
I then made myself get cuted up for a Saturday afternoon BBQ with friends and a solo appearance at a local theater company owned by my dear friends. Going stag to events is not my favorite activity as I'd much rather have a +one but I also refuse to stop living my life because I am not sharing my queen size bed with males that don't have 4 legs and fur. I also know that whoever I do meet is going to need to fit into the life I have made for myself because I really kind of like it.
So, again, chalk one up for steps toward improvement. I would have loved to have been spending this Father's Day weekend with my dad or celebrating the fatherhood traits of someone I am with, but I also didn't sit home, mope and eat a bag of jelly beans. Yes, I guess my life is one that other's wouldn't mind having.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Hot in....?
I have discovered a new favorite show. The acting is less than stellar, there are no hot men on it and it is on a channel I've never heard of. However, none of that matters as it is the first show I've found that captures what I picture every time I think of leaving California and starting over. Hot in Cleveland stars Valerie Bertinelli, Betty White, the English actress from Frasier and the woman I always confuse with Christine Baranksi. You can see from that sentence why I've never been asked to be a TV critic. But, again, I love it!
Valerie Bertinelli is an adorable 40+ recent divorcee who plans a trip to Paris with her 2 best friends...all LA women with CA lifestyles. After their plane makes an emergency landing in, of all places, Cleveland, they find themselves in typical Midwestern bar looking for a much needed drink and a side of Valium, I'm sure. However, when they walk in they realize they have entered the Twilight Zone where women over 25 and larger than a size 2 are considered hot and where men actually are looking for women, not over aged Barbie dolls. It is my idea of paradise.
Silicon Valley reality is not normal for the rest of the country...60 year old ranch style homes should never go for $750,000...cities should not host Cougar Conventions that are featured on the evening news and I shouldn't fall into the below moderate income level when I'm closer to the $100,000 mark than to the $50,000 mark (not much closer but still). Now I'm not sure I really want to be in Cleveland...I've been to Ohio and was plenty ready to leave Ohio...but the sentiment is what I wrote about a couple of days ago...I think I'm hot elsewhere. Again, okay, hot maybe an overstatement, but I'd definitely be on the B+ list at any bar in middle America.
I'm not sure this argument is going to fly with the former husband when I tell him why he really needs to get a job on the opposite coast. "Well, you see, I'm hotter on the East Coast than I am on the West Coast"...but at least it gives me hope. And, in the meantime, I just need to plan more visits outside of Silicone based Silicon Valley and hang out in the real world.
So, if you haven't tuned into TV Land and discovered the cheesiest show on TV these days, check it out...It is my new inspiration.
Valerie Bertinelli is an adorable 40+ recent divorcee who plans a trip to Paris with her 2 best friends...all LA women with CA lifestyles. After their plane makes an emergency landing in, of all places, Cleveland, they find themselves in typical Midwestern bar looking for a much needed drink and a side of Valium, I'm sure. However, when they walk in they realize they have entered the Twilight Zone where women over 25 and larger than a size 2 are considered hot and where men actually are looking for women, not over aged Barbie dolls. It is my idea of paradise.
Silicon Valley reality is not normal for the rest of the country...60 year old ranch style homes should never go for $750,000...cities should not host Cougar Conventions that are featured on the evening news and I shouldn't fall into the below moderate income level when I'm closer to the $100,000 mark than to the $50,000 mark (not much closer but still). Now I'm not sure I really want to be in Cleveland...I've been to Ohio and was plenty ready to leave Ohio...but the sentiment is what I wrote about a couple of days ago...I think I'm hot elsewhere. Again, okay, hot maybe an overstatement, but I'd definitely be on the B+ list at any bar in middle America.
I'm not sure this argument is going to fly with the former husband when I tell him why he really needs to get a job on the opposite coast. "Well, you see, I'm hotter on the East Coast than I am on the West Coast"...but at least it gives me hope. And, in the meantime, I just need to plan more visits outside of Silicone based Silicon Valley and hang out in the real world.
So, if you haven't tuned into TV Land and discovered the cheesiest show on TV these days, check it out...It is my new inspiration.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Emotional Traffic
A few amazing things came out of that summer escape 2 years ago...a new found sense of independence, less of a dependence on Tagamet, really cool bedroom furniture and a great annual tradition. Some friends from a radio station gave me two tickets to see Kenny Chesney at PacBell Park. The timing could not have been better. The mad rush of throwing everything I owned in plastic garbage bags had worn off and I had just been left with a sense of loss as to where I was going. So, I called my sister and off we went for a great night of homegrown, soul healing country music. We decided that night we needed to do that more often. Last year was Brad Paisley & Darius Rucker and this year, to celebrate her impending 40th, off we went to Tim McGraw's Emotional Traffic tour. Considering the concert fell on the anniversary of the move, I couldn't think of a better way to mark the occasion.
Of course, knowing Tim McGraw has ALWAYS been at the top of my "list" (you know the list of celebrities you are allowed to be with if you ever had the opportunity) helps understand the excitement I had leading up to the night. Yes, I know this was about my sister and her 4th decade celebration, but hello??? this is Tim McGraw we're talking about. So, while I did have to battle a severe bout of depression after trying on jeans for the occasion, I was ready to go in boots, Levis and a really cute white top...dressed to impress (okay, not impress but at least garner a passing glance).
And, while the show was absolutely phenomenal and my sister and I had another great evening full of singing, dancing and fabulous memories, the evening also had a nice little side effect. I was admired...no, really, I was. From the adorable but tipsy 6'4" young cowboy asking if I wanted an escort into the park to the VIP tent attendant saying his night was brightened by our smiles to, finally, the random stranger stopping me to tell me I looked good in white, the unintended outcome was a much needed ego boost. No, the sexy, mature, multimillion dollar man of my dreams didn't ask for my number nor did I leave there with no qualms about the future but I did fall asleep last night thinking at least there is hope.
Emotional traffic seemed like the perfect title for my life right now. My highways are constantly filled with cars of happiness being caught up in jams of concern, sadness, nostalgia and worry about the future. And, as I feel with traffic jams themselves, if I just give it a little time, take an extra breath and turn up the music on the radio, it will all clear soon enough and I'll be moving again.
Of course, knowing Tim McGraw has ALWAYS been at the top of my "list" (you know the list of celebrities you are allowed to be with if you ever had the opportunity) helps understand the excitement I had leading up to the night. Yes, I know this was about my sister and her 4th decade celebration, but hello??? this is Tim McGraw we're talking about. So, while I did have to battle a severe bout of depression after trying on jeans for the occasion, I was ready to go in boots, Levis and a really cute white top...dressed to impress (okay, not impress but at least garner a passing glance).
And, while the show was absolutely phenomenal and my sister and I had another great evening full of singing, dancing and fabulous memories, the evening also had a nice little side effect. I was admired...no, really, I was. From the adorable but tipsy 6'4" young cowboy asking if I wanted an escort into the park to the VIP tent attendant saying his night was brightened by our smiles to, finally, the random stranger stopping me to tell me I looked good in white, the unintended outcome was a much needed ego boost. No, the sexy, mature, multimillion dollar man of my dreams didn't ask for my number nor did I leave there with no qualms about the future but I did fall asleep last night thinking at least there is hope.
Emotional traffic seemed like the perfect title for my life right now. My highways are constantly filled with cars of happiness being caught up in jams of concern, sadness, nostalgia and worry about the future. And, as I feel with traffic jams themselves, if I just give it a little time, take an extra breath and turn up the music on the radio, it will all clear soon enough and I'll be moving again.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Nostalgia is a funny thing
I apologize for being gone so long but I just didn't feel like I had anything newsworthy to write about...it was just my normal day to day craziness. I know, that for some of you, my normal insanity is humorous so I promise to write down some of the more memorable situations in the near future. However, tonight, I just felt the need to unload or unleash.
For months I have been doing okay...actually, more than okay, I've truly been happy. My life has been full with friends, kids, family and, of course, my 4 legged constant companions so while I may not have found someone to share my life with, my life has certainly not been empty. Then, today, like my body had some sort of internal memory clock, I realized this weekend will mark 2 years since I moved out of Alex's house and the life I thought would be mine forever. And, just like it was happening all over again, my stomach clenched, my heart ached and I again longed for the love I truly thought would never end. And, truthfully, that love obviously hasn't; even if our life together has. I do think I have come to grips with the fact, and I know this bothers friends and family, I will always love him. The family and friends of Alex who read this know I definitely gave him my heart and soul and I am not sure I ever really got it back.
I heard from a mutual friend today as well who told me that he and the 8th dwarf do seem to be happy together; and the mature side of me really wants to wish them well, but there is that part of me that wonders how he doesn't just miss me terribly every minute of the day. Hello?! This is me we're talking about here. Okay, my sense of humor and relatively healthy ego is still in check. That same side also takes a sick pleasure out of the fact I know she still is bugged by just the thought of me. The tell tale sign showed up on my LinkedIn profile last week when the recent history posted she had been viewing my profile. Yes, I am still here and no I haven't gained 100 pounds (just 15). But, really, contrary to how this sounds, I'm not bitter. I'm just hoping there is a man out there who can remind me what it feels like to be loved, and in turn be in love. I think I need that. Unfortunately, as my BFF points out, I want this on my time, not God's time. Well, God, you think you could give me a little sign about how long we're talking about...are we talking a short basketball game type length or an extra innings baseball game type length. I mean those are a little different.
But, just when I start to get a little mopey, the universe slaps me upside the head with a reality check and I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. I do know what true love feels like, I do have amazing children and my life is one many people look on and appreciate and I need to remember that. As part of a work function tonight (which I was dreading) we heard from Congresswoman Jackie Speier. Her story is one I've known for years as she was shot 5 times as a young congressional aide during the Jonestown mass murder/suicide situation and has endured miscarriages, the death of her husband while being 3 months pregnant and so much more. And, while as a politician she has always bugged me, as a person you can not help but admire her strength, perseverance and outlook on life. Never take a day for granted and wake up tomorrow with a renewed appreciation of all you have.
So, I will give myself a moment to be sad but will then wake up remembering that over the past two years I have gotten stronger, even more outgoing than I was before, more devoted to my children, and most of all, more sure of what I deserve in this life. Thank you all for being there with me as I continue to discover the joy in my next steps.
For months I have been doing okay...actually, more than okay, I've truly been happy. My life has been full with friends, kids, family and, of course, my 4 legged constant companions so while I may not have found someone to share my life with, my life has certainly not been empty. Then, today, like my body had some sort of internal memory clock, I realized this weekend will mark 2 years since I moved out of Alex's house and the life I thought would be mine forever. And, just like it was happening all over again, my stomach clenched, my heart ached and I again longed for the love I truly thought would never end. And, truthfully, that love obviously hasn't; even if our life together has. I do think I have come to grips with the fact, and I know this bothers friends and family, I will always love him. The family and friends of Alex who read this know I definitely gave him my heart and soul and I am not sure I ever really got it back.
I heard from a mutual friend today as well who told me that he and the 8th dwarf do seem to be happy together; and the mature side of me really wants to wish them well, but there is that part of me that wonders how he doesn't just miss me terribly every minute of the day. Hello?! This is me we're talking about here. Okay, my sense of humor and relatively healthy ego is still in check. That same side also takes a sick pleasure out of the fact I know she still is bugged by just the thought of me. The tell tale sign showed up on my LinkedIn profile last week when the recent history posted she had been viewing my profile. Yes, I am still here and no I haven't gained 100 pounds (just 15). But, really, contrary to how this sounds, I'm not bitter. I'm just hoping there is a man out there who can remind me what it feels like to be loved, and in turn be in love. I think I need that. Unfortunately, as my BFF points out, I want this on my time, not God's time. Well, God, you think you could give me a little sign about how long we're talking about...are we talking a short basketball game type length or an extra innings baseball game type length. I mean those are a little different.
But, just when I start to get a little mopey, the universe slaps me upside the head with a reality check and I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. I do know what true love feels like, I do have amazing children and my life is one many people look on and appreciate and I need to remember that. As part of a work function tonight (which I was dreading) we heard from Congresswoman Jackie Speier. Her story is one I've known for years as she was shot 5 times as a young congressional aide during the Jonestown mass murder/suicide situation and has endured miscarriages, the death of her husband while being 3 months pregnant and so much more. And, while as a politician she has always bugged me, as a person you can not help but admire her strength, perseverance and outlook on life. Never take a day for granted and wake up tomorrow with a renewed appreciation of all you have.
So, I will give myself a moment to be sad but will then wake up remembering that over the past two years I have gotten stronger, even more outgoing than I was before, more devoted to my children, and most of all, more sure of what I deserve in this life. Thank you all for being there with me as I continue to discover the joy in my next steps.
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