Is there relationship Karma?

On my drive home tonight I really started to wonder if there is some sort of relationship god (like in Greek mythology) with a scorecard tallying the relationship screw ups I have had before allowing me to really move on with someone else.  No, tonight wasn't a disaster...it wasn't even bad...it just was.  Cute Dad was just as nice in person and he was in texts...and will make someone very happy some day...that someone just won't be me.  (Insert my daughter's voice saying I'm too picky).

But really, is there someone keeping score saying that I've not exactly been the nicest break up artist there was, so maybe I am not ready to meet Mr. Meets All 109 of My List of Must Haves.  If so, it makes sense...let's look at my track record...I break up with my long term college boyfriend in a Holiday Inn in Barstow, Ca...during an earthquake!  I leave my husband (not entirely my fault but I am the one who actually said the word, divorce) and I do the How Fast Can One Move Out game show on Alex while he was gone (again, he WAS cheating on me but maybe the way I left scored points for him).   There was the high school boyfriend who ended up naming his daughter the exact same name as me...that must mean I wasn't that bad to him, right?!  Either that or he really was a little obsessed.  Okay, never mind that example.  Erase that one from the score card! Who knows?!

What I do know is I had a very enjoyable dinner with an extremely nice man who just did not do it for me.  And, I knew it the minute he sat down.  No, it wasn't that he wasn't tall...I can get over that.  Nor was it the fact he uses online dating (Hello!?! that is how I met him...) and has more than once.  Nor was it a few other little physical things that I noticed...because he truly isn't bad to look at...Nor was it the fact that I know way too much about his "ex" (how he referred to her every time) for a first date.  It was all of it....The fact that I had the nerve to think about Alex the whole way to the restaurant.  The fact that I really am truly looking for the man I described several posts ago.  I don't think he's fiction...I really don't believe he is the lore of old country music songs.  I just know he is not someone I am ever going to find on anything that ends with .com. And, as I said to my sister, if it feels like work on the first date, it is never going to get easier.  I don't want to have to work at something new...Maybe it is me...maybe I'm not "all that" anymore...maybe I'm just "that"...but I do think there's a little pom pom still in this old cheerleader. 

I have had enough serious relationships to know right away what works for me...someone with a strong back bone, calloused hands but a good heart.  Someone who is smart enough to spell his texts correctly, while he's driving his John Deere.  Someone who loves me unconditionally but certainly doesn't let me know that right away.   Someone who I can respect, love, laugh with, admire, find hot but who also likes nights with the guys, who will yet at the TV screen during sports...and who I look forward to bringing a cold beer. 

It may sound incredibly lame...and like a bad episode of Real Housewives...but at almost 42, I'm not settling for anything less.  So, if there is a score keeper up there can we just call it even, please?  I don't even need to win...a tie just means the slate is clean & I can move on.

It's just dinner!!

I have a great knack for talking myself out of something (or someone) if I have second thoughts. This skill is great for my check book as I can easily talk myself out of a purchase of new shoes, clothes, jelly beans…but not so great for non existent love life! However, I am not allowing myself to ruin what could be a very enjoyable dinner just because I’m becoming too content with my couch, kids and dogs! You know how you feel when you are starving and then you wait too long to eat so you’re not hungry anymore…that is kind of how I am getting to feel about dating. It has been 18 months since I left Alex and I am thinking my figurative stomach is shrinking (too bad my actual stomach is not) and I just am losing interest in the whole meeting someone scene!


But, like I said, mind over matter today! Why today, you might ask…because tonight is dinner with Cute Dad. Yes, I’m actually meeting someone I “found” online. In the whole week I let myself venture into the crazy world of internet dating, as I mentioned, one man did catch my eye. Attractive, has a job, loves his kids, drives a truck, spells correctly, likes sports, did I mention spells correctly…and has made me laugh numerous times with his funny texts and emails. In a moment of sheer insanity, we decided to meet for dinner…on a Monday night. It is truly the only night of the week one of us doesn’t have our kids…not exactly a good sign for future dates…but hey, I’m happy if I get through this one.

Since he lives 70+ miles away, we are meeting sort of half way…well, it is longer for me but that is because closer would have meant a dive truck stop that doubles as a petting zoo. Yeah, pretty sure that doesn’t meet any of my criteria for a suitable dining establishment. So, Chili’s it is tonight…casual atmosphere…with basketball on in the bar in case conversation is stilted. Yes, thought has gone into the evening.

Outfit (oh my gosh, this is killing me…now I have to decide what to wear!!)…consists of black shirt, grey sweater, black leggings, high heeled black boots and fun jewelry… Going to hope for dim lighting as I need to get my roots done but that is so not happening before 7:00 tonight. I’m almost 42, there are gray hairs trying to peek through…but maybe they blend in with my blonde…really, do you now see why I talk myself out of things?!

As much as I enjoy spending time with my kids and my dogs, I don’t really think I want to be alone forever…and while I’m certainly not planning on spending my life with someone I haven’t even met yet, I’m looking at this as a step. A step toward getting back out into the world. A step toward smiling at cute basketball coach more often. A step toward seeing if Hot Electrician wants to go out for drinks. A step toward more time on my exercise bike.

And, while a part of me was worried that going out to dinner with someone new at the same time I was having conversations with Mr. Oklahoma would categorize me as a slut…pretty sure the fact I haven’t had sex in…well, forever…pretty much rules out that title.

Okay, it is going to be fun…and really…it is just dinner!!

Thoughts from me on a Tuesday afternoon

So, I have completely reverted to a 15 year old girl…but in a time that had cell phones and texting. Which, to be sure, is not when I grew up. We still only had to dial the last four numbers as there weren’t that many phones. And, we found out if a guy liked us by having our best friend ask his best friend in homeroom…we didn’t have to decipher idk, if he’s in2u to mean I don’t know if he’s into you…lol was the beginning of lollipop and we certainly had to wait a lot longer as writing in bubble letters is much more time consuming than texting with your thumbs.


Okay, okay, back to me…jeesh, that is what this blog is about anyhow! First, before I dazzle you with all incredibly interesting excitement in my life (yeah, yeah, we are talking about me so hold your excitement in check a little bit), I have to share with you why my life is so amazing…guy or not. My 8 year old daughter is a hoot, a full on walking firecracker but one who has a flair for the dramatic. As you all know, I’m the no drama mama so we live in a drama free zone. My line to her is “unless there is more blood than a band-aid can contain or an actual bone sticking out, I don’t want the tears”…and it gets used quite often. Last week, as the crocodile tears started to bubble over who knows what, I quoted my line…to which her response was “But, Momma, there is blood in my heart”, complete with sigh and hand gestures. Yes, this is why I’m happy all the time!

But on the ever so interesting saga of my non existent dating life, I closed up my online profile. Yes, I know I only lasted a week.  But, sorry, I just couldn’t do it. The thought that some of these guys were seeing my picture and then sending me notes was more than I could handle. One of them actually sent 3 paragraphs full of dancing emoticons. I wanted to write back to see if his mother knew he was on the computer all hours of the night. I was right to think the online world was just not for me. Of course there are exceptions (like me!) and I have been emailing, texting with this incredibly nice man who seems relatively normal. However, he also lives an hour away so for now am content with the fun texts.

There is a good chance Mr. Oklahoma and I might plan a quick weekend visit …or as quick as one can make it across the country but that is also in the planning stages. I’m trying to remind myself to take it just one step at a time…and that not everyone understands my inane ability to just know if something is going to work or not…so really, just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.

I blame it on CBS...

I like to think my vice list is pretty short (and relatively tame) but am still ashamed to admit how happy I get at the thought of sitting down for my dinner (without kids) with a glass of good Cabernet and the boys from Hawaii Five-0...It is one of my easy guilty pleasures.  However, tonight, I was to be disappointed as there was not a new one on last night so nothing recorded.  So, after finishing my dinner, I was left with idle hands and time.  Let's just ignore the fact there is always laundry I could do, floors I could clean, closets to organize...I do plenty of that.  Instead, I threw caution to the wind and revisited the never to be visited again world of online dating.

Don't ask me why today was the day...I'd actually been having great text conversations with Mr. Oklahoma, but I think even those made me realize he is 3000 MILES AWAY!!!  And, while it was a misprint in the local paper that had me at 45 instead of not even 42 years old, it was enough to remind me I'm not getting any younger.  Anyhow, whatever confluences of circumstances had me hitting the Plenty of Fish website were in play and within 20 minutes I had a profile.

And, within 22 minutes I was quickly reminded of why this is not for me.  Fortunately, this is a free site so no money was spent on the reminder.  While the ego boost of having 4 messages instantly pop up with tag lines like "Wow, you're hot" and "You're cute I want to say hi" gives me a quick adrenalin high, reading the messages further pops that balloon faster than a room full of 4 year olds. Let's just take a peek, shall we at what these men are looking for:

"I'm a down to earth man who appreciates someone who laughs freely.What captures my attention most is a nice smile, well-groomed woman. I am an ambitious, self motivated, educated, well balanced "
"Let me swwep you off your feet"
"Looking for someone who wants to be a peace of my life"

I did not edit for spelling or grammar so as you can tell, wow!!  Is this really what is out there?  And, just to add insult to injury, pretty sure only a handful were over 6 feet!!

I'm obviously not going to meet the love of my life this way, but for now, we'll just use it for fun fodder for this blog.  And, for those interested, yes, Mr. Oklahoma is still just as adorable (at least via 160 characters per text) as I remember as an 18 year old girl.

The softer side of me...

Every once in a while I decide to use my very limited writing ability to share stories that don't involve drinking, family drama or neurosis of any kind...(it happens, I swear!).  Here is one poem, childrens' story I wrote a while back for your reading pleasure.  Enjoy.

From the top of the rooftops


To the small blades of grass

The fairies all sighed and

Said “Darkness at last”.


They went right to work

With their brushes and wands

And got very busy

In the fields, yards and ponds.


I’ll paint this pink”

Giggled Dottie with glee.

While Alvin yelled happily

“It will be green for me!”

“What shall we do with this one?”

Asked Susie with a frown?

“I think,” said Bug, “it shall be

Yellow & red with a trunk of brown.”


“We like that idea”

Said the fairies as one

And worked even harder to

Beat the slow rising sun.


“We better get painting”

Said the head fairy boss

As he touched up one last flower

With a small dab of gloss.

And just as the sun peaked

Over the hill

The fairies all huddled against

The early morning chill.

“Did we finish them all?”

“Are the colors just right?”

“Let’s take a quick look

At our work of last night.”

From the fields of green grass

To the mountains of gold

The fairies all watched

The beauty of Spring unfold.

Who needs the Jersey Shore when we have West Virginia?

There's a reason (outside of the fact the shows are just stupid!) that I don't watch any of the MTV type reality shows and that is simply because my family can top any whacked out, mind boggling, jaw dropping nonsense they can come up with.  Case in point, 3 am text messages received from my brother regarding his ability to screw up his life at a rate only paralleled by Lindsey Lohan, just without the numerous paparazzi involved.

I love my brother...and used to take blame for his inability to grow up by saying I babied him too much as a child.  And, I probably did.  My mom went back to school for her master's degree when I was 10/11 and I did a lot of "raising" my sister and him.  However, that was 30 years ago, and, at some point, it isn't my fault anymore.  But, of course, that doesn't stop me from worrying...or caring.  Especially now as he has a wife and four kids.  Obviously I missed the lesson in responsible parenting!

After 7 years in college, we decided his university was just tired of taking my dad's money so they gave my brother a degree.  Since then, he has changed careers (not jobs) at least 8 times.  This would not be a problem if he'd just find one he actually likes...and one that keeps him out of trouble!  And, his attention span is not much better when it comes to his marriage.  I adore my sister-in-law, but her answer to his tendency to get bored has always been to just get pregnant.  Pretty sure that is not the advice in any of the "Can this marriage be saved" columns.  Four incredible nieces and nephews were enough I guess as the quick "snip snip" visit to the doctor last year ended that pattern of behavior.

So, in order to both make a living, and feed his need for excitement, my brother became a bail bondsman last year.  For anyone who knows him, this was quite the entertaining thought...take a man (albeit very good sized man) who is known to be the biggest teddy bear in the world, but with an unquenchable thirst for adventure, give him a gun and a female partner and send him off.  Anyone see a recipe for disaster here? 

Of course, we have all seen this movie, and know how it ends.  Female partner (who, it turns out, could have had a guest spot on the Soprano's) didn't see the writing on the walls, thought she had met Prince Charming (hello, I still help him balance his checkbook!!) and decided to push for the next step.  Brother panics, tells his wife everything, and we all get the frantic middle of the night text messages asking for help.  So now, in the midst of working, writing this incredibly important blog for my 5 readers, and raising 2 kids and 2 dogs on my own, I'm helping him find a job (obviously need to quit the one that has him hanging with the gun toting Glenn Close character from Fatal Attraction), while also trying to help him save his marriage.  Yeah, normal activity for a Tuesday!

People have asked me why I am always in a good mood...well, I'd love to say it was the Prozac but really, what else am I going to do?  One day, some Hollywood writer with a few hours to kill, is going to stumble upon this little blog and turn our crazy, Parenthood meets Twisted Sister family, into an overnight success (or tragedy) and then I can truly say with a smile..."Hey, what are you going to do?  It's family!"

Happy New Year!

I have never been a big fan of New Year's Eve...or at least going out and doing the huge celebrations.  Spending hours with a bunch of drunk people I don't know just doesn't rank  up there for me. Go figure!  Some of my best memories are of babysitting with a good friend, calling our middle school boyfriends and fantasizing about the lives we were going to have when we lived next door to each other our whole lives.  Unfortunately there is now an entire country between us so that just didn't happen.

But, for some reason, this Dec. 31st was even less anticipated than years past.  The kids were supposed to be with their dad and I hadn't been inundated with requests to ring in the new year with friends and family so I was in limbo.  We had been invited to the house of a friend from school which was met with great excitement by my son...not nearly as much by his mother.  However, in the spirit of family compromise, my daughter did the annual bowling tradition with her dad and his family and my son and I went to our version of Wisteria Lane for a NYE get together.

As I am one of the only single moms in the school it is always very obvious that I could not make my marriage work...always a fun way to start the new year.  But with this group it is even more so...stay at home moms in their 3000 sq. foot homes with their perfect children and doting husbands.  Granted, I would not want to be married to any of them...or be them but you get the picture. 

I was responsible for a salad and an appetizer.  Everyone knows you are totally judged on your ability to bring the cool dish to a party so I was stuck between trying to impress and my lack of excitement over the event so really not caring about what I brought.  Settling on a citrus spinach salad and baked brie dish I figured I had achieved the perfect balance between ease and decadence.  However, the dilemma hit when I realized serving bourbon soaked pecans over brie at my house would not be a problem but really, is that the impression I want to leave with parents who let their kids come to my house ALL the time.  The one mom who I am closest to and who totally would have appreciated my offering wasn't going to be there.  So, instead of the simple put together and be impressive dish I had been planning, I now had to cook the mixture to simmer off any of the alcohol...all 1/4 cup of it!  Yeah, not getting anyone drunk here.  Yet, I also am the same person who was scared to order Kahlua and cream ice cream at Baskin Robbins as a teen because I was afraid I'd get carded.  Yeah, normally Einstein, but I do have my moments.

Of course, not one child ate the Brie but it was a hit...reminding me I really am good at the whole entertaining thing so why stress about it!  I also decided I am going to throw the NYE get togethers from now on...perfect combination of having people around and not leaving my house. Bonus!  Also, while not a big fan of making resolutions, I am making a request... I really would like to have a partner next holiday season.  Not to even out the table settings or to make me feel complete, but because I do have a lot to offer and think I deserve to be appreciated, admired and adored. 

Looking forward to keeping you all updated and apprised of my exciting adventures in 2011.  Thanks for your interest, your support and your friendships along my journey...they are all so very much appreciated.