Is there relationship Karma?

On my drive home tonight I really started to wonder if there is some sort of relationship god (like in Greek mythology) with a scorecard tallying the relationship screw ups I have had before allowing me to really move on with someone else.  No, tonight wasn't a disaster...it wasn't even bad...it just was.  Cute Dad was just as nice in person and he was in texts...and will make someone very happy some day...that someone just won't be me.  (Insert my daughter's voice saying I'm too picky).

But really, is there someone keeping score saying that I've not exactly been the nicest break up artist there was, so maybe I am not ready to meet Mr. Meets All 109 of My List of Must Haves.  If so, it makes sense...let's look at my track record...I break up with my long term college boyfriend in a Holiday Inn in Barstow, Ca...during an earthquake!  I leave my husband (not entirely my fault but I am the one who actually said the word, divorce) and I do the How Fast Can One Move Out game show on Alex while he was gone (again, he WAS cheating on me but maybe the way I left scored points for him).   There was the high school boyfriend who ended up naming his daughter the exact same name as me...that must mean I wasn't that bad to him, right?!  Either that or he really was a little obsessed.  Okay, never mind that example.  Erase that one from the score card! Who knows?!

What I do know is I had a very enjoyable dinner with an extremely nice man who just did not do it for me.  And, I knew it the minute he sat down.  No, it wasn't that he wasn't tall...I can get over that.  Nor was it the fact he uses online dating (Hello!?! that is how I met him...) and has more than once.  Nor was it a few other little physical things that I noticed...because he truly isn't bad to look at...Nor was it the fact that I know way too much about his "ex" (how he referred to her every time) for a first date.  It was all of it....The fact that I had the nerve to think about Alex the whole way to the restaurant.  The fact that I really am truly looking for the man I described several posts ago.  I don't think he's fiction...I really don't believe he is the lore of old country music songs.  I just know he is not someone I am ever going to find on anything that ends with .com. And, as I said to my sister, if it feels like work on the first date, it is never going to get easier.  I don't want to have to work at something new...Maybe it is me...maybe I'm not "all that" anymore...maybe I'm just "that"...but I do think there's a little pom pom still in this old cheerleader. 

I have had enough serious relationships to know right away what works for me...someone with a strong back bone, calloused hands but a good heart.  Someone who is smart enough to spell his texts correctly, while he's driving his John Deere.  Someone who loves me unconditionally but certainly doesn't let me know that right away.   Someone who I can respect, love, laugh with, admire, find hot but who also likes nights with the guys, who will yet at the TV screen during sports...and who I look forward to bringing a cold beer. 

It may sound incredibly lame...and like a bad episode of Real Housewives...but at almost 42, I'm not settling for anything less.  So, if there is a score keeper up there can we just call it even, please?  I don't even need to win...a tie just means the slate is clean & I can move on.