One of my favorite definitions to repeat to myself is that of insanity…doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get different results. We all do this at some point in time. We are creatures of habit like that…but yet, I still shake my head every time I do something that just proves there is a part of me that Freud definitely would have loved to have gotten hold of. Of course, I am sure you are all wondering what brain challenged activity I engaged in this time but don’t worry, no bones were broken, no alcohol consumed and there were no motorcycles involved. Just my computer and, obviously, a temporary bout of insanity.
Yes, I revisited the world of online dating. Now, before you start your virtual eye rolling and hand wringing, I have an excuse. Well, no not really, but I was prodded sort of. I got to thinking this past weekend (yes, that always gets me into trouble) that I probably ought to expand my dating horizons once again. Mr. Kawasaki is obviously not going to come sweep me off my feet, Hot Electrician is still on his own time frame and I really am not interested in anyone named Tank or Mr. O so really, I need to get out there. And, by out there I don’t mean my latest adventure which is to be in a play again…which is wonderful…but my male cast consists of 2 gay guys and 2 very married guys. Yeah, not meeting anyone there!
So, I did visit the forbidden land of online match making sites with the misguided notion all of the crazies who were there last time met women and had been replaced with the reality version of Steve McGarrett, Mitch Rapp or Matthew Donnally (Necessary Roughness). Hey, give me a break, sometimes I stray into fantasy land but I always come back to reality…or am shoved back. Either way, I learn.
Once again, the ego strokes were great as within 2 minutes of un-hiding my profile I was greeted with several notifications of messages in my in-box. And, really, while the first few were obviously men living in the basement of their mother’s house watching the various online sites 24/7, there were a couple with possibilities. Tall, looked relatively normal, didn’t misspell all of their words and, really, almost funny. I should have known, however, looks can be deceiving and really, these were just ploys to keep me around because after a few friendly emails the true colors come through. Ignoring the continued misspellings of their, there, your and you’re (which as you all know was VERY hard for me) I made it through about 4 emails with someone who used the word cowboy in his username (a good sign I thought) until calling me Special K (really?!?) that he became incredibly surprised that I’d never been to a rodeo…he was shocked even…why, because you know me so well?! I even got past that and explained to him that it interfered with a festival I’m very involved with (and even gave him the name of the event). Granted, I didn’t write in all caps I was past president of the event or that most of my friends came through that event but I highlighted it enough to make it obviously important to me. Well, his response to me started with “I will never go to the XXX Festival again as it was…blah, blah, blah….” Okay, you are automatically out of the running for this pageant based on sheer stupidity. I don’t care if you didn’t have fun at our event but seriously, to slam it, while trying to impress me. Yeah, delete!
I know there are people who swear by these sites…and I will give it another few days…for comic relief reasons alone. But then, I’m going to try to leave the crazy ward by at least not expecting different results!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
The Search for the Great Pumpkin (oh, is that what we're calling it these days?)
A neighbor told me yesterday that October is considered a black month. I love my neighbor but often just nod my head when she shares these little tidbits with me because she is also the one who points out the exact time of night she has seen opossums on my roof. While I greatly appreciate the neighborhood watch program she is conducting, I am a tad concerned that she is sitting at her window watching the comings and goings of my house so closely that she knows what time the critters start their rooftop party. Of course, we all know my house doesn’t get that much two legged dance action so I’m not too concerned right now. We’ll revisit the need for an 8 foot fence if necessary in the future.
But I digress, I used to think it was just me who got a little misty eyed watching the annual pumpkin pyramid take shape, or had a touch of the melancholies over the shortening of the days and lengthening of the nights but with her comment, I realized this could be a phenomenon I’m experiencing and not just a sign I’m actually depressed. Granted, it could mean I’m just as crazy as my possum stalking old maid neighbor but…let’s not go there. I’d much rather just believe it is some external environmental factors at work making me crave sugar and chick flicks.
And, while I also know I could start sounding like a broken record (remember those…they were the round things that looked like Frisbees which we’d play over and over again…Shawn Cassidy, Alabama…oh yeah, I’m old!) but I am slightly bewildered by the fact that it has been over 2 years since I left Alex and during that time, he and the 8th dwarf have moved into happily ever after land and I am really no closer to meeting the man of my dreams. That, right there, could be the problem though as the man I’m looking for probably only exists in my dreams. But, I’m not ready to admit that yet. I’m going to just chalk it up to a mid season slump…like too many incomplete passes. Really, if I looked at my record I’m probably 0-3 which isn’t going to win me a Heisman any time soon.
But, just because Mr. Kawasaki didn’t want a follow up date and Hot Electrician still hasn’t figured out he really does want to go out with me…and I really believe he does, I’m not giving up. Somewhere there is someone who wants to wade through the current, climb the fence and find the key that unlocks the barriers I have put up to moving on. He’s out there…and once we get past the gloom, doom and drear of “The Black Month”, I probably won’t even remember being sad about his absence.
But I digress, I used to think it was just me who got a little misty eyed watching the annual pumpkin pyramid take shape, or had a touch of the melancholies over the shortening of the days and lengthening of the nights but with her comment, I realized this could be a phenomenon I’m experiencing and not just a sign I’m actually depressed. Granted, it could mean I’m just as crazy as my possum stalking old maid neighbor but…let’s not go there. I’d much rather just believe it is some external environmental factors at work making me crave sugar and chick flicks.
And, while I also know I could start sounding like a broken record (remember those…they were the round things that looked like Frisbees which we’d play over and over again…Shawn Cassidy, Alabama…oh yeah, I’m old!) but I am slightly bewildered by the fact that it has been over 2 years since I left Alex and during that time, he and the 8th dwarf have moved into happily ever after land and I am really no closer to meeting the man of my dreams. That, right there, could be the problem though as the man I’m looking for probably only exists in my dreams. But, I’m not ready to admit that yet. I’m going to just chalk it up to a mid season slump…like too many incomplete passes. Really, if I looked at my record I’m probably 0-3 which isn’t going to win me a Heisman any time soon.
But, just because Mr. Kawasaki didn’t want a follow up date and Hot Electrician still hasn’t figured out he really does want to go out with me…and I really believe he does, I’m not giving up. Somewhere there is someone who wants to wade through the current, climb the fence and find the key that unlocks the barriers I have put up to moving on. He’s out there…and once we get past the gloom, doom and drear of “The Black Month”, I probably won’t even remember being sad about his absence.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Harleys & hairspray
What do you get when you combine 5 almost middle aged women with varying degrees of marital status, 4 inch heels and the threat of a Hell’s Angels retaliation incident? Stumped? Well, you get my Saturday night, of course. Isn’t that what all Saturday nights are like?!
Of course, the weekend didn’t start out strange, it started out resembling more a Desperate Housewives episode vs. a night with the Orange County Choppers as I attended the auction for my kids’ school. The annual event this year had a denim & diamonds theme so my Friday night was spent with enough bling to rival the MTV Music Awards and enough hair spray to blow a new hole in the ozone. I don’t mind attending these things as a solo as then I don’t have to worry about entertaining anyone but I wouldn’t have minded bidding on a few items that I would need a Sugar Daddy for. However, overall my role went well and I liked the way my butt looked in my jeans so I’m putting it in the win column.
Because I seem to jam all my crazy activities for the year into one weekend, I left the auction to head to the coast to the 1st of two birthday evenings for girlfriends. I missed dinner but caught up with a group of ladies at a fun beach hang out that happened to be celebrating 80’s night…complete with costumes. Well, considering I was dressed more for the Cattlebaron’s Ball in Houston, I didn’t quite gel with the patrons. Of course, none of my friends did either, especially since one of them was actually born in the 80’s! Seriously! After much laughter and a few moments of wondering why anyone would think the fashion of the 80’s was smart to revisit, we called it a night and headed home.
Of course, the smart thing to do would have been to sleep in, catch up on DVR’d shows and do laundry all day but hey, since when did I do that?! So, after 4 hrs of sleep, I was up, walking with a group of ladies, headed to my daughter’s basketball game then showered, changed and ready for round two. Hey, even if I am still smarting a little over the lack of follow up from Mr, Kawasaki, I am all for having fun with the ladies! So, hair straightened, eye make-up done and heels on, I was ready to go!
After a great meal with a few margaritas and again, lots of laughter, we were ready for a little more so headed to the cowboy bar from a month back. However, where it was wall to wall tight Wranglers and boots that first night, the 2nd trip had more elastic banded polyester pants and loafers. The crowd definitely noticed when we walked in, mostly because we lowered the average age by a good 20 years…and we were celebrating birthdays in the 40’s! But, we are a group who bring the fun with us so settled in for a few more laughs. However, when the band was ½ way through a popular Eric Clapton song before we even recognized the tune, we decided to move on. But to where…
As we drove to the next possible location, we realized there was absolutely no one on the streets…no cars, no people, no one. It was like one of those scenes in a tornado/hurricane movie where the newbie from California walks outside to comment on how peaceful it is when really it was just the eye of the storm moving over. Well, as we drove by possibility #2, we started getting text messages from various friends in town warning us that there had been a shooting at a Hell’s Angels funeral earlier in the day and the troops were moving Southward, straight into our path. That is when we realized, the ghost town scene was actually much more reminiscent of an old Western when the women and children were locked behind boarded windows and doors waiting for the shoot out to be over. That is when we realized, thank goodness, that someone was sending us a sign…a neon sign that blazed “GO HOME”!!! A biker town, in the middle of a turf dispute was no place for 5 women in designer jeans and high heels…at least not unless they were looking to fulfill some sort of Harley Davidson fantasy.
Overall, the weekend was a lot of fun, a true reminder that I have amazing friends…old and new, I really am content and that, more than anything, I must have known somehow, as a child who had incredibly irrational fears about the Hell’s Angels that they were going to be a part of my life!
Of course, the weekend didn’t start out strange, it started out resembling more a Desperate Housewives episode vs. a night with the Orange County Choppers as I attended the auction for my kids’ school. The annual event this year had a denim & diamonds theme so my Friday night was spent with enough bling to rival the MTV Music Awards and enough hair spray to blow a new hole in the ozone. I don’t mind attending these things as a solo as then I don’t have to worry about entertaining anyone but I wouldn’t have minded bidding on a few items that I would need a Sugar Daddy for. However, overall my role went well and I liked the way my butt looked in my jeans so I’m putting it in the win column.
Because I seem to jam all my crazy activities for the year into one weekend, I left the auction to head to the coast to the 1st of two birthday evenings for girlfriends. I missed dinner but caught up with a group of ladies at a fun beach hang out that happened to be celebrating 80’s night…complete with costumes. Well, considering I was dressed more for the Cattlebaron’s Ball in Houston, I didn’t quite gel with the patrons. Of course, none of my friends did either, especially since one of them was actually born in the 80’s! Seriously! After much laughter and a few moments of wondering why anyone would think the fashion of the 80’s was smart to revisit, we called it a night and headed home.
Of course, the smart thing to do would have been to sleep in, catch up on DVR’d shows and do laundry all day but hey, since when did I do that?! So, after 4 hrs of sleep, I was up, walking with a group of ladies, headed to my daughter’s basketball game then showered, changed and ready for round two. Hey, even if I am still smarting a little over the lack of follow up from Mr, Kawasaki, I am all for having fun with the ladies! So, hair straightened, eye make-up done and heels on, I was ready to go!
After a great meal with a few margaritas and again, lots of laughter, we were ready for a little more so headed to the cowboy bar from a month back. However, where it was wall to wall tight Wranglers and boots that first night, the 2nd trip had more elastic banded polyester pants and loafers. The crowd definitely noticed when we walked in, mostly because we lowered the average age by a good 20 years…and we were celebrating birthdays in the 40’s! But, we are a group who bring the fun with us so settled in for a few more laughs. However, when the band was ½ way through a popular Eric Clapton song before we even recognized the tune, we decided to move on. But to where…
As we drove to the next possible location, we realized there was absolutely no one on the streets…no cars, no people, no one. It was like one of those scenes in a tornado/hurricane movie where the newbie from California walks outside to comment on how peaceful it is when really it was just the eye of the storm moving over. Well, as we drove by possibility #2, we started getting text messages from various friends in town warning us that there had been a shooting at a Hell’s Angels funeral earlier in the day and the troops were moving Southward, straight into our path. That is when we realized, the ghost town scene was actually much more reminiscent of an old Western when the women and children were locked behind boarded windows and doors waiting for the shoot out to be over. That is when we realized, thank goodness, that someone was sending us a sign…a neon sign that blazed “GO HOME”!!! A biker town, in the middle of a turf dispute was no place for 5 women in designer jeans and high heels…at least not unless they were looking to fulfill some sort of Harley Davidson fantasy.
Overall, the weekend was a lot of fun, a true reminder that I have amazing friends…old and new, I really am content and that, more than anything, I must have known somehow, as a child who had incredibly irrational fears about the Hell’s Angels that they were going to be a part of my life!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Same place, different time
I hate when I go so long between blogs because then I feel like I have to be extra entertaining for you to want to come back again, or I need to have a litany of exciting adventures I have experienced lately to explain my absence. Unfortunately I feel I may fail at both but at least I am back and apologize for being away.
The life of a single working mom of two active pre-teen kids is busy enough but you throw in volunteer work and then even the inkling of having a life of your own and really, you run out of day long before you run out of things to do. I have great intentions of being able to work off these extra 20 pounds, spend time with my girlfriends who are going through a time of transition and oh yeah, maybe having time to meet someone, let alone have a relationship with him. But, in all honesty, I wouldn’t trade this for being bored and depressed any day of the week so I’ll just up my Starbucks intake.
While my absence was not filled with crazy antics or hours of romance with Hottie McHottie from Hawaii Five-0, I did meet up with a starring actor in a few blog posts from the past. You used to know him as Cutie but I just can’t handle that name (nor could I then) so, in honor of his motorcycle, we’re calling him Mr. Kawasaki. I know, not very original, but it makes me feel less like I'm talking about either a toddler or one of those Clementine tangerines so it's all good!
Anyhow, one of my events for work had me in his facility a few weeks back, and since we'd been emailing again lately, we decided to meet for a quick hi. I was feeling somewhat cute (and not overly fat) so was game for a glass of wine at his place. And, if we all remember, he met several of the items on the list, he's hot, smart, spells all of his texts correctly, drives a truck, likes football, but was minus a few very important ones...he is 9 years younger than me which really covers a lot. But, it was just a glass of wine, right? Oh yeah...the wine led to a little more but that is when I realized I'm really way too self conscious about my body to ever enjoy being with someone again. So, if I'm not going to be comfortable, how am I ever going to believe someone really wants me?
I realize how that sounds, and know there are feminist self help gurus freaking out all over the globe about my lack of self esteem, ignorance about the true woman's body, the horrors of the Barbie generation on the pysche of women (or is that just what my mother would say?) but this is the way I feel. Logically I know Mr. Kawasaki is hot so, really, it isn't like he's desperate and is willing to be all over the first woman he sees. But, to the 42 year old woman who doesn't like her reflection in the mirror, guys just must like action. Why do we do this to ourselves? And, even though I had a great time with him, and smiled the whole way home that night, the way I always do after seeing him, why do I feel like he didn't wake up with a smile the next day like I did? I know men and women are wired differently so why be surprised?!
Mr. Kawasaki has never been what I'm looking for in the forever sense of the world so why should I care if he is pining over me or not? It is because it is what we do. We talk big (I know I do) but we want to be wanted, loved, missed, etc...and while we can understand the male psyche (some of us more than others) we are still from Venus. So, instead of beating myself up for wanting him to call for a next date, I'm going to try to remind myself this was a 18 month flirtation that really does show me you never know what can happen and people may enter your life at a time that isn't right, but just may visit again later. Hey, I know it is pushing it on the philosophy side of things but it is what is making me smile tonight...that and a glass of Sterling Chardonnay.
The life of a single working mom of two active pre-teen kids is busy enough but you throw in volunteer work and then even the inkling of having a life of your own and really, you run out of day long before you run out of things to do. I have great intentions of being able to work off these extra 20 pounds, spend time with my girlfriends who are going through a time of transition and oh yeah, maybe having time to meet someone, let alone have a relationship with him. But, in all honesty, I wouldn’t trade this for being bored and depressed any day of the week so I’ll just up my Starbucks intake.
While my absence was not filled with crazy antics or hours of romance with Hottie McHottie from Hawaii Five-0, I did meet up with a starring actor in a few blog posts from the past. You used to know him as Cutie but I just can’t handle that name (nor could I then) so, in honor of his motorcycle, we’re calling him Mr. Kawasaki. I know, not very original, but it makes me feel less like I'm talking about either a toddler or one of those Clementine tangerines so it's all good!
Anyhow, one of my events for work had me in his facility a few weeks back, and since we'd been emailing again lately, we decided to meet for a quick hi. I was feeling somewhat cute (and not overly fat) so was game for a glass of wine at his place. And, if we all remember, he met several of the items on the list, he's hot, smart, spells all of his texts correctly, drives a truck, likes football, but was minus a few very important ones...he is 9 years younger than me which really covers a lot. But, it was just a glass of wine, right? Oh yeah...the wine led to a little more but that is when I realized I'm really way too self conscious about my body to ever enjoy being with someone again. So, if I'm not going to be comfortable, how am I ever going to believe someone really wants me?
I realize how that sounds, and know there are feminist self help gurus freaking out all over the globe about my lack of self esteem, ignorance about the true woman's body, the horrors of the Barbie generation on the pysche of women (or is that just what my mother would say?) but this is the way I feel. Logically I know Mr. Kawasaki is hot so, really, it isn't like he's desperate and is willing to be all over the first woman he sees. But, to the 42 year old woman who doesn't like her reflection in the mirror, guys just must like action. Why do we do this to ourselves? And, even though I had a great time with him, and smiled the whole way home that night, the way I always do after seeing him, why do I feel like he didn't wake up with a smile the next day like I did? I know men and women are wired differently so why be surprised?!
Mr. Kawasaki has never been what I'm looking for in the forever sense of the world so why should I care if he is pining over me or not? It is because it is what we do. We talk big (I know I do) but we want to be wanted, loved, missed, etc...and while we can understand the male psyche (some of us more than others) we are still from Venus. So, instead of beating myself up for wanting him to call for a next date, I'm going to try to remind myself this was a 18 month flirtation that really does show me you never know what can happen and people may enter your life at a time that isn't right, but just may visit again later. Hey, I know it is pushing it on the philosophy side of things but it is what is making me smile tonight...that and a glass of Sterling Chardonnay.
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