Danger...Curves Ahead

I love to drive. I mean it, I think I could have been a race car driver in a past life. But, not one of those who just goes around a track, but instead one like in Europe where they go through mountains. I’m sure there is a word for that type of race but I just can’t think of it right now. Or, I could just have done one of those races in Smoky in the Bandit. Anyhow, my point is, I like to drive. I open up my sun roof, play the music really loud, sing at the top of my lungs and well, drive fast. So, it makes sense that I will use a driving analogy today for my current state of mind.


There have been times in my life where I’ve either owned or just driven a sports car and would find myself looking forward to trips that would take me into the mountains, on curvy roads and would inhale just a little deeper whenever I’d see the “Danger, Curves Ahead” road signs. Those curves are fun, and I’d enjoy navigating my way through the turns and twists at just the right speed…knowing when to take my foot off the gas a little and anticipating when to speed up…ensuring the car was hugging the pavement just so and avoiding unwanted relationships with oncoming traffic. The curves were a nice break from the long straight-aways where, even though I could drive faster, there was no real excitement and I didn’t have to really think about my actions other than to just keep it between the lines. But, the reason those curves were fun was because they were just part of the trip, not the whole journey. I needed the straight-aways to balance out the curves. And, now, in a time of curves ahead, I am glad I’ve had a few years of straight-aways to prepare me.

If you have read this blog at all, you know I am a control freak who has not relinquished control over my heart very often…actually not often at all as many of you can attest and have approached dating very cautiously over the past 3 years. And, while I’m still operating under the yellow flag, I can say I am feeling the adrenaline rush of knowing there are dangerous curves ahead because I think I could really like the hot electrician. I won’t bore you with his many attributes as you’ve read them all before but now I think he is starting to see mine. But, and this is where my anxiety comes in, I am so not in control of this. He doesn’t send me the daily texts (or even weekly) telling me how fabulous I am. He isn’t going to wear his heart on his sleeve. And, he isn’t going to just show me how enamored he is with my charm, my wit and my slightly less fluffy body. And, before you get all worked up wondering why I’m interested then, remember, if he did all of those things I wouldn’t go out with him again. We all know this to be true. I need to not be in the driver’s seat for anything real to work.

I’ve lived the past 3 years in various stages…first stage, start breathing again after leaving Alex, second stage, breathe and take cautious steps forward with my life, third stage, explore what my new world has to offer and enjoy it but don’t let your heart get involved and now, I guess, we may be at stage four. This is the stage where if I want to see if something could be real I need to actually let myself feel and just hope for the best. Yes, I could get hurt again. But, as I said to myself yesterday “I got over Alex. I can get over anything”. So, here I am, strapping on my racing helmet, cranking up the tunes and headed straight for the curves. Gentlemen, start you engines…and wish me luck!

Think like a man

I’ve been surprised by the silly uproar I’ve heard regarding the title of some new movie called “Think Like a Man”. Granted, I think women often get waaaayy to worked up over things that are said and, in this case, I think women are definitely missing the boat. We do need to think more like men because honey, they aren’t going to start thinking like women. Nor would we want them to.


With age comes wisdom (and a whole lot of wrinkles) and after 43 years on this planet, I have at least learned that men seem to have a much healthier view towards relationships with the opposite sex than we do. Well, maybe not healthier but much less stress inducing, jelly bean eating, fretting view. And, personally, I totally get that!

As we all know, I have emotional walls higher than those surrounding Fort Knox and I’ve been working hard on dismantling those or at least de-electrifying them in my quest to not be the crazy dog lady in my old age. I’ve tried the dating scene…and we all know how that has gone. I’m sorry, but if the idea of going out with someone is making my stomach hurt then really, why bother?! I can get a stomach ache from eating too many jelly beans and well, that is just more enjoyable sometimes. So, I’ve stopped beating myself up for not going out with Tony Soprano again and cancelling a date with a local elected official (hello, I married one of those, I don’t need to date another!!). If dating one of them felt right, then I would have gone out with them.

Now, yes, the above paragraph was very chick like which is where my need to think like a man comes in. The Hot Electrician and I had another pretty good concert experience together and the chemistry is definitely there…and I think mutual. But, now, I have to make sure I don’t turn into a phone checking, wondering why he hasn’t called, will I see him again idiot!! I can guarantee he isn’t sitting on his couch at home wondering those same things about me…even if I am all that and a bag of chips! I just don’t think guys are wired that way (well, at least no guy I’d go out with). So, why are we? I want to think like a man this time. It has always been easy for me to think like a man before because I didn’t care as much. With this one, I can honestly say I am interested. It is the first time since I left Alex I can actually say “yeah, wouldn’t mind seeing him more than once…or even twice”. So, that is why I can’t think like a man this time…I care! Darn the luck…caring sucks!

My willpower is pretty strong when it needs to be so I won’t text, won’t call or won’t really even scheme. He is one that could be easily scared away…even if I am awesome. I will just ask for a whole lot of patience, a large bottle of Jack Daniels and every anti-texting trick I have in my arsenal. I think I’m going to need it.

It isn't necessary to call Dr. Freud

I hate being predictable or stereotypical…it just bugs me. Don’t get me wrong, I like being reliable and dependable (wow, I sound like a Chevy) but I also like to think I’m different than other women and well, almost unique. And, because I refuse to concede that point on all fronts, I will assert that I am different in many ways! But, I have again been reminded recently that in at least one area I am oh so unsurprising! When it comes to dating, I really am all about wanting what I just can’t have. And, oh my, how silly and high school is that?!


Being challenged by being told something is unattainable or out of reach is great motivation if you are training for the Olympics or striving for excellence in your profession or education. In those instances, I love that my stubborn streak comes out and I can kick butt and take names! Unfortunately, my stubbornness isn’t limited to pushing myself behind my limits, but instead tends to flourish when faced with situations which logically I should be handling completely opposite of what I do.

As my posts over the last 2 years have shown, I haven’t been relegated to hang out with Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters with no dates to the ball. I have dated and have dated very nice guys. Nice guys with good jobs, great personalities and not bad to look at. Guys who have all of that and who think I’m actually pretty fabulous. And, herein lies my problem…I don’t want those guys. No, I want the one who doesn’t text or call and who acts like he could take or leave a date with me. Of course, he is also a nice guy, which a great job, fun, hot, strong, witty…okay, okay, you get it…I’m smitten. But, again, why? Is it really just because it is a challenge and the “chase” is so much fun? If that is the case, then I really haven’t grown up or matured and I deserve to be “slushied” in the hallway (you have to watch Glee).

Am I really that text book? Does it really just boil down to me wanting what I technically “can’t have”? (well, not “can’t” since he does text back and did kiss me BUT you know what I mean). I know me, and I know that yes, I need to have the man be in control or I will walk all over him. I’m not proud of that fact but I do know it is just that, a fact. Therefore, I rationalize that I can tell immediately that Tony Soprano who I practically blew off all during lunch last week, would not be good for me. He would let me get away with being way too full of myself and well, we all know how that ends. But, wouldn’t it be nice to feel something for him? He really is a nice guy, has a house in Tahoe, coaches his sons, thinks I’m really fun and attractive…but, it just isn’t there. After our lunch, all I could think was “oh no, what if he tries to kiss me”. Thank goodness, I went for the quick hug and then got out of there.

Again, I rationalize these feelings with the idea that for some reason, there is just something about the hot electrician that keeps me enthralled, intrigued, “in” something so I am going to ratchet up the irresistible factor and tap into whatever patience I have and just try VERY hard to just let what will be will be…with a little help, of course. Hello, this is me we’re talking about!!