Unless you are a snake, a spider or a bug, really of any kind, I am not a violent person. I don't even get physical when it comes to the post Thanksgiving sales frenzies. There is not one thing I can think of that I needed so badly I'd lose a limb over it. Or really even mess up my manicure (if I ever get back to the nail salon, that is). But, I was reminded again this weekend, that there are women out there who throw around phrases like "I've got your back" and "Let me show you something" and actually mean it.
These women were mothers mind you...women with children sitting next to them as they screamed from one side of the gym to the other...all over the outcome of a game played by 11 & 12 year old boys. Don't get me wrong, I'm a complete nut when it comes to sports...I clap, I yell, I jump up and down, I pull my own hair...but never in sheer anger and certainly never to the point I'm ready to beat up another person. Heck, my own siblings barely ever made me mad enough to want to cause them physical harm. Emotional trauma maybe but that is understandable...Anyhow, I digress...it really was something that made me think today as this wasn't the first time I've encountered instances that were better suited for the WWF and I guess I've come to the realization I'm definitely more of a lover than a fighter...at least with my fists...and, that I should have listened much more carefully during one of the more interesting nights of my entire life.
Not too many years ago my brother's birth family contacted him and wanted to meet. As we adopted my brother as an infant over 35 years ago, we are the only family he knows or thinks of as his own. I am his big sister (or at least older as he is of Polynesian descent he has me by several inches and well over 150 pounds) so, of course when he asked if I'd come with him, I said yes. After several weeks of phone calls, emails and discussions with his new found family my sister and I met up with him in Southern CA ready to embrace his other family as our own. That is just the way we are...I'm truly the annoying cheerleader type...all about rah rah and we've never met a stranger. My sister is a little less out and out sugary syrup than me (don't worry, I can throw sarcasm with the best of them though) but has been collecting strays her entire life so was ready to love them as well.
We wanted to make a good impression so dressed in fashionable new clothes and did our hair just right. You would have thought we were headed to the prom with the amount of hair product that was thrown around the hotel room that night...and not just by us girls...our brother had plenty of gel to last through a few Beastie Boys songs...remember we grew up in the 80's. Dressed to kill and armed with pictures of our life together and smiles galore, off we went...driving through the nicer parts of the OC (Orange County, CA to all you non locals or Real Housewives watchers), past the more suburban areas with pools and Volvos in every well groomed yard until all 3 of us felt a little uncomfortable. Not that we ever had a silver spoon in our mouths but definitely never had to walk on the rough side of the tracks...Until we found the neighborhood we were looking for...multiple cars in various stages of disarray littering each driveway, bars on most of the windows and streetlights which seemed to work on whims. But, again, optimism is a family strong suit so really, how bad could it be?
We pulled up in front of a house that we knew had to be it by the large number of not so small people drinking Mickey wide mouth beers on the front porch. Knowing there was a very large cocktail in my future helped motivate me to get out of the car and represent the family well. Two women a few years younger than me came outside and greeted our mutual brother with a hug and huge smiles for him. I felt my body lose tension as I thought "these new sisters can't be that bad after all" but immediately lost that quick sense of calm as they looked over at me. As I have mentioned, I may not be walking the catwalk anytime soon but at this time, I was much smaller and I guess could have turned a few heads...but not theirs. I could tell all they saw was short, petite (which no one could ever call them) blond member of the enemy clan.
Hey, I like nothing more than a challenge and worse than that, everyone has to like me....they just do....it is in my make up and I can't take anything less. So, I kicked the charm into overdrive and went to work. In retrospect, I should have saved my breath and just experienced it as one does many things in life...a trip to the zoo, a movie on a foreign country you never want to see, a camping trip...someplace to visit but you'd never want to live there. Between the family yelling at Sponge Bob on television (not kidding) and one of the sisters yelling at me to sit because I had the only other butt small enough for the only chair left in the room, I figured I'd seen or heard it all.
Yet, the best was yet to come...after thanking the various cousins, uncles, random people who were on parole, for their oh so incredible hospitality (hey, I did get the chair after all) I climbed into the car with my brother and one of the sisters (my sister was in another car with a dear friend and the other sister). We passed the time to the restaurant sharing stories and swapping histories. Okay, I thought, this isn't so bad, she wants to know about his life and once again I let my guard down. "So, have you ever been jumped?" I was asked. What? Jumped? Is that like jumping rope? Or a new workout routine I didn't know about? "What?" I asked out loud this time..."Jumped...you know...in a fight? Like gang initiation?" Excuse me? No, I'm sorry, we missed that day in PE." And, for the next 30 minutes I was given instructions on how to handle myself if this ever happened. Well, I pocketed this information in case the lines at Whole Foods ever got too intense and just sat back for the rest of the ride.
We did survive the dinner and after being told we were "too skinny...too white...and ate with utensils too often" we made it back to our hotel. 3 rounds of very strong drinks later we were laughing about the entire trip and vowing we would never call our family crazy again as we truly had no idea. My brother hasn't kept in touch with them as we are his family and, unfortunately, it was hard for them to accept that. Until now, I've been very pleased with that decision but now, I may need to know exactly what to do next time some woman yells across the court "Yo mama!"
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