How quickly the mighty fall...As you could see a few posts ago, I was congratulating myself (and my former husband, I guess) on the fact so many people thought we were still married because we get along so well. I went on for paragraphs about how good this is for the kids and stability and all that jazz. Alright, maybe I didn't go on forever but there was boasting involved...And, as we've all been warned, bragging doesn't pay. Last night I was confronted with the downside of this friendly former spouse relationship.
Scene: Group of moms (yes, including the oh so helpful MVM- see previous posts about mini-van moms) passing the time at basketball practice by discussing the latest additions to the newly singled dad category. We happened to have the daughter of one of my recently divorced friends with me so everyone was asking if her ex would be an interest for me. First, uh no...cardinal rule #1...NEVER go out with your friend's ex...did these women miss that part of 5th grade?! Anyhow, one of the moms I don't know as well gave me an extremely odd look which I tried to interpret. Did she think I shouldn't be choosy? Was I looking that desperate lately? Or maybe, I had something in my teeth. Before I could put too much more thought into it, she finally just asked..."Wouldn't your husband get upset?" Husband? What? Oh, okay, now I understand and gave the her the usual answer about how we are still really good friends...blah blah... One of the other longtime moms commented that she gets asked about us all the time and then it hit me...where I thought I was being all Progressive Supermom, former wife, other people probably just thought I was a brazen hussy. I was that Mom...the one the other SUV soccer moms warned each other about... (yes, insert overactive imagination here...)
How many times had someone overheard a conversation or saw me with another man and labeled me a callous witch for flaunting my activities (okay, who am I kidding...I sit home with my dog but you get the idea) in front of my friendly but still former husband. I guess this is what I get for trying to keep my life private. Maybe I should have listened to one of those incredibly insightful MVM's who outed our divorce to our son's first grade teacher because "in her professional opinion, people have a right to know." No, she wasn't a therapist but she told me she took a class on children and divorce in college so it was an expert opinion. I told her I'd taken a pole dancing class at my health club so I must be an expert stripper. Alright, sarcasm may not always be the best route, and, no, there weren't too many play dates for our sons since then.
But, maybe she had a point...maybe our incredibly amicable formerly married friendship is too much for people to handle. There isn't a box for it...very fond of each other but would truly go insane if we had stayed married column. Another friend/acquaintance has said more than once that our divorce really inconveniences their hosting abilities as they like us both but aren't sure how to handle inviting both. As she and her husband tend to bug me after a while, I graciously took my name out of the running. People don't know how to handle us and therefore probably are incredibly confused.
You would think in a society where sadly, almost half of marriages end in divorce, we wouldn't be such an oddity. Can people truly not get past their anger and disappointment in order to see the smiles on the faces of their children when both Mom and Dad are at every event together? And, please indulge me while I get on my soap box for a minute, they didn't ask for this life...you gave it to them. I thought about this again for the millionth time since we divorced years ago and decided that I could handle being misrepresented as the wife in a VERY open marriage if it means my children don't suffer from a nasty divorce. And, if I'm being completely honest, that other me is obviously having a lot more fun.
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