A sign of the times

It has been months since the kids and I made the two and a half hour trek over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house (or in reality over the mountains and through the valley to my sister's house) so decided it was time.  We had a rare one basketball game weekend, knew my mom and step dad would be traveling to Maine in a few months and well, just felt we needed to go.  We packed the car with the essentials: snacks, warm clothes, lots of booze and off we went.  The kids and I love road trips together and actually have a great time so the trip up was fun, lots of singing, laughing and a stop at Starbucks, of course. Very rarely on these trips with them do I wish for a co-pilot as the three of us have created a comfortable life together so I relish the moments like this.

We arrive in time for lunch with my mom, step dad and nephew (yes, the organic herb growing nephew) and within a matter of minutes I am reminded why it has been months since I have been up here.  There is never an easy example to share as to why my mother drives me crazy but more just a non-stop litany of veiled comments and understated digs.  Considering it was lunch time and I still had to drive my children to my sister's, I couldn't drink anything stronger than a Diet Coke so by the time we left, my normal very low blood pressure was actually climbing steadily.  But, as I often remind myself, she is my mother and almost 70 so I need to appreciate the time with her.

Fast forward a few hours and a couple drinks later and my whole local family was together for dinner and this is one of the times I both miss having someone by my side and, at the same time wonder if anyone would appreciate the various personalities that make my family mine.  I realize all families have issues but when they are your family's issues, you are more protective of the personalities and quirks that make them tick.  I actually tried to picture the hot electrician there (I know, I know...we've never even had a date!!!!) and well, I could.  I couldn't picture Tony Soprano (but then again, I can't picture me with Tony Soprano) and well, didn't want to picture a lifetime of just me either. But, then again, it was a good reminder that I won't settle as I watch my 25 year old cousin on her second marriage, raising her 3 children and always being exhausted and listen to her mom, my aunt, who loves her 3rd husband but whose unemployment makes life tough.  It also shows that you never know who will be the ones to make it as my sister and her husband of 17 years who weren't supposed to make it down the aisle now have the big 2-0 in their sights. And, hey, who doesn't like a reminder that sometimes marriages actually do work!

After about 28 hours, we all met again for a quick lunch and we were off...and, as I drove through the adorable gold rush town, I actually got a little misty eyed.  Misty eyed because these visits just remind me of how close my mom and I aren't, and how sad that makes me.  Misty eyed because as much as I love living in the Bay Area, I really do believe I was meant for a more traditional setting, and misty eyed because I really did just turn 43 and is content really what I want to be.

But, off we went and headed toward our family's halfway lunch time spot of Chevy's...a restaurant where we have celebrated birthdays, holidays, trips, everything for years as it was halfway between the two towns and the kids and I look forward to the familar setting and memories that come with every meal.  We pulled in, were a little surprised by the empty parking lot and were completely floored by the big sign on the door that announced they were closed.  Not closed for the day, not for remodeling but closed, as in forever.  It hit me hard!  Not because we couldn't find another place to eat.  Nor because we don't have a Chevy's in almost every town near us.  But, because it really did signify a need for a change to me.  It was an actual sign that traditions and memories are good but it may just be time to try something new. 

Don't expect me to completely give up my old comforts, and won't close the door on nostalgia but maybe, just maybe, I'll start venturing out on new adventures.

Thanks for a great evening

One of my favorite lines from "Pretty Woman" is when Julia Roberts says to Richard Gere "If I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight" as they set off on their first "real date".  It is the type of line you want to remember to say to someone before what you know is going to be a very special occasion, but usually forget until the evening is over and then, well, it just kind of loses its punch.  I thought about that line often over the weekend and actually thought about writing my blog for this week before today so I could just give you a glowing report of the last of my birthday celebrations, before the night even happened.  Yes, I realize that isn't reality but again, haven't we figured out that reality is sometimes overrated?

But, I have to say, I'm glad I didn't write this entry early as reality was actually just as good as fantasy land...even if the subject matter might differ just a tad.  I think a trend has started this year with the number of unanswered prayers and getting what I need, even if it isn't exactly the same as what I want.

With a week that included Valentine's Day, the fact I didn't start a new online dating profile or camp outside BevMo for refills, is really cause for celebration so that alone would make me happy.  Granted, I have to admit, I've never been a big sucker for Heart Day but even a lifelong cynic can sometimes get a little touch of the weepy eye when I think about the fact this is the 3rd year in a row where I didn't at least buy a risque card to give to someone.  I guess I could have just bought the card and given it to my girlfriend and told her to pretend she was my Hawaii Five-O hottie...The things our friends do for us.


Anyhow, I helped counsel a friend through the dreaded 14th and then planned the festivities for the end of my birthday month (y'all thought I was kidding about the month thing, didn't you?).  Friday night found me dressed to the nines  and hanging with my GBFF again at his theater company. As we've discussed before, the best way for a pick me up is to dress up and hang out with gay guys.  They're all about the compliments!!  And, when you are feeling a little puffy and not very hot, compliments, even from gay guys, can make your day!

Of course, 24 hours later as I was getting dressed for dinner with my dating boss, her husband, another friend and the Hot Electrician, those compliments were no where to be found.  My jeans were too tight, the shirt I picked showed every extra lump (and not the good kind) and my left eye looked like a relative of the vampires from Twilight.  Not exactly the image I was going for.  But, with the get ready music playing and a Jack & Diet in my hand, I did a little dance in the bathroom and headed for a night of laughter and fun! 

While there were no fireworks this time (literal or figurative), the night reminded me again of why there is just this connection between us.  We make each other laugh and I believe he totally gets my sarcasm (my 2nd language) and from the occasional glances I caught him stealing, he either does find me attractive or he was counting the new wrinkles I know I got for my 43rd birthday. Considering the second thought is not nearly as flattering, I am going to just go with the first and think that yes, he does feel something too.  But, I also believe the situation is a little complicated as I am one of his sister's best friends, his parents like me and I do quite a bit with the family.  For a man not interested in commitment, could you find a worse combination?  Probably not!  But, I actually am a patient person (sometimes) and just believe that at some point in time, we really will date and will probably do it very well. Granted, I also believed I was supposed to stay with Alex and believed my Hokies weren't going to choke in the Sugar Bowl so my track record isn't stellar.  We'll ignore those failures for now though and just think, that yes, there is a tie there and only time (and occasional scheming) will tell.

You will all be happy to know that this is the last of my birthday month entries and I will go back to thinking it isn't all about me. Well, at least for the next 11 months.

Another candle on the cake

I love birthdays...I know I have written those exact words before but it is true. I like for people to shower me with good wishes and smiles. Well, I like that every day but for some reason, it isn't an ordinary occurence. But, while I would love to analyze why people don't just applaud as I walk by, that isn't the subject of this blog today.

I am part of a book club with a group of moms from the kids' school...yes, the same group of moms I talk about sometimes but I really do like a couple of them and consider them great friends, and well, the others, often provide the reassurance I need that even with the struggles I have, at least I am not them. I know that sounds horrible but really, it isn't undeserved. However, this past Friday we discussed The Alchemist, which made me truly sit back and think. One of the segments discussed not worrying about the future as it really is out of your control. All you can do is live in the present. Granted, this was stated by a nomad in the desert who really had no future to think of so living in the present was his only option.

Yet, today as I gave in to a bit of melancholy for setting myself up to be disappointed today and worrying about spending next year's birthday without a plus one, I thought that maybe the desert man who spoke to the birds and camels might have had it right. Birthdays really shouldn't be a day of reflection as the idea you are one year older isn't always a reason for celebration...once you are past 21, the only highlights are qualifying for your AARP card at 50 and well...hmm...I'm blanking on any others.

However, I still found myself today getting a little teary as I drove my little man and his best friend to their 2nd basketball of the game. In addition to being inexplicably sad that I didn't hear from Alex (I know, I know...believe me, I know) or the hot electrician...who, in his defense, probably doesn't know my birthday qualifies for national holiday status in my book, I was saddenned by the fact that after 10 hours in the gym watching basketball (which I wouldn't change for the world), I didn't have someone to turn to and say "okay, now you can take me to dinner".

Of course, the previous paragraph doesn't explain why I should live in the moment if I am talking about moments that were less than stellar. But, really, if I am honest, living for today really would help my sanity when I get like this. I should relish in the fact my incredible little super star scored 30+ points this weekend, my adorable fire cracker planned my birthday dinner all by herself and I am completely surrounded by amazing friends and family (who really don't have to claim me any more). Why lose sleep about bills that are coming up as things have a way of working out. Don't focus on the fact you are still 20 pounds away from your goal weight; celebrate the fact you have been working out every day for a month now. Enjoy the moments that make up every day as they are the ones who provide the smiles and the sighs.

I know I won't become completely at peace with my current status in life but I really will start trying to stress less and enjoy more. This is where I am supposed to be at this current age and for that I will be content. It worked for the nomads, it should work for a 5'2" package of sass and spice.

Life According to the Rolling Stones

The Big Chill is in my top 10 movies of all time. Think about it: it is set in the south (and I’ve seen the house in person), it is about a group of college friends who are revisiting feelings and issues from the past (nostalgia at its finest) and the soundtrack completely rocks! I often find myself thinking “You can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need” should be tattooed across my brain. And, really, recently, it is more appropriate than ever.


I certainly can’t complain about my life, which is entirely my point, actually. My children are amazing. My salary gets me by. My friends and family are there for me at a drop of a hat. And, my life is incredibly full. But, even so, there are still times I really do want just a little more. And, that is when I realize I may not get what I want, but I get what I need.

What I wanted was Alex to miss me terribly, call and let me be the one to say “sorry, too little too late”. What I needed was someone to remind me he has no effect on my life any more and that I did make the right choice to walk away. What I wanted was for the Hot Electrician to come to my Super Bowl party. What I needed was to have an incredibly enjoyable afternoon with great friends and family and to receive a few fun texts from him over the next few days. What I wanted was to feel something more for Tony Soprano or for him to have been more of what I was looking for. What I needed was to just get my flirty fix with a great guy (who meets most of my criteria) in VA who thinks my sass and personality make me “the complete package”.

Garth Brooks sings it much more eloquently (and without drug references) in his song “Unanswered Prayers” but the sentiment is still the same…there is a reason why we end up with our without certain people in our lives. And, we do end up with what we need. And, for me, right now, I guess I need to just continue to live my life one day at a time, with no qualms about the fact I don’t have a + one yet…even though I will be 43 on Sunday. I need to focus on the fact I do have choices and that I am not alone in this world.

And really, one day, I will be thanking God for all of my unanswered prayers…and I will be surrounded by what I truly need.

No Static Cling

I have never understood women who have a hard time comprehending the no stalking rule...you know, the one that says to not overwhelm a man with the texts, the calls, the texts, the calls, etc...and then wonder why he feels smothered. Of course, it is completely appropriate to send the occasional check in texts, to expect the day after call after a kiss or more but that is a far stretch from the "well, he didn't call back so I figured I'd call again and again" philosophy that is out there. But, in the same vein, I expect to not have to worry about that with men either. Isn't there a manual or something that one can read that says "when she says she is busy, chances are she is actually busy"? Maybe, once again, I really do have a lot more "man" in me than I first admit. I need to feel wanted, but not smothered, attracted to but not obsessed over, flirted with but not monopolized by...it isn't tough, really...

So, not only did Tony Soprano cross a pretty major line last week by saying he was picturing me in heels and nothing else but then this week said he wanted to go on vacation somewhere with great room service. What?!? Can I say again, we have kissed just one time? While the idea of someone wanting to take me on some tropical vacation sounds fabulous, the idea this same person is picturing flying me to who knows where to stay in a hotel room walking around in heel pretty much negates the first great idea. Add to that his increasing frustration with my schedule is adding up to my ever dwindling interest. No, this isn't me talking myself out of something I wasn't really interested in to begin with. Really!!! If in the beginning he is already sending multiple texts to ask if I am free after I have gone through my long list of commitments that day then chances are he isn't going to become less demanding of my time if we were together. I can't feel guilty about my life...I won't again.

One of the positive aspects (which I have mentioned before) about my life after Alex is that I am accountable to no one...really..I worry about my kids, my job, my responsibilities, etc...but I don't have to worry that I didn't answer his call or wasn't going to be home for hours. And, while I know compromise comes with a relationship (which I do want some day), I can't have someone who expects to be my 1st, 2nd & 3rd priority. And, really, no one should. It is too easy to be devastated when that person invariably disappoints you. I really just want to find someone who I can occasionally text or call to flirt (and have it be reciprocated), go out to dinner with every now and then, take to parties once in awhile and sporadically invite to sleep over. And, again, isn't that a guy's dream?

I was lamenting about this dilemma recently during the 2x week run (well, walk with a little running thrown in) with my dating boss and wondering why this is so hard to find. Isn't there a balance between attention and clingy? Do I have to pick between one sided attraction and borderline obsession (well, that is a little strong but he did mention seeing me naked!!!)? And, while I was getting frustrated with this situation, she once again, put the positive spin on it that I needed...if nothing else, I now know even more what I want and don't want. It is kind of like buying a new car (which I won't be doing anytime soon) and picking which options are must haves and which ones make you decide on a different model. And, we also decided (or I decided and she nodded which is tacit agreement to me...even though it could have just been her head bobbing up and down as we jogged...hmm..)...that this was just another reason why the Hot Electrician and I make a good match...for at least a date. He isn't clingy...likes his space...understands being busy...has kids...now, I just need to again, convince him that I am the anti-girl....which means I am really a great catch.

Next stop, Palm Reader

A family member mentioned a while ago that she decided on a whim to contact a pyschic...just for kicks, really, but did it nonetheless. And, I have to admit, I was tempted. Completely and totally tempted. Part of me thinks "why not" but of course, another part thinks that costs money...and money that I could just as easily spend on a glass of wine (or several) and wonder what my future is going to include. And, considering I can talk myself out of a purchase between the back of store and the cash register, I am not surprised I talked myself out of this idea too. But, c'mon, you understand my interest, right? Now, I wouldn't want to know if there were some danger lurking or if I had some random tropical disease or anything like that. I would just want to know if I should be paying more or less attention to some of the men in my life. Should I continue to give Tony Soprano more chances to wow and impress me or will he be serving 20 because he wasn't really joking about the shovel in the back of his Cadillac? Is there some sort of undeniable chemistry between the hot electrician and me or was it really just the pool and Don Elias Extra Anejo playing tricks on us last summer? Is there someone waiting in the wings I don't even know about yet? And, if so, can you give me a hint on what day he will appear so I know to be looking hot, please? See, I'm not being unreasonable. These are logical questions to have and what if someone could answer them for me.


Yes, I understand part of living is the unknown but isn't progress all about saving yourself from wasted time? Again, it all makes sense to me...but I also know I would most likely have a hard time taking the advice of someone who has a 976 line and who can tell you your future for 3 easy payments of $19.99 each. So, I guess we are back at square one...which is where I knew we'd end up anyway.

I am going to have to decide on my own if Tony Soprano (who really does have a foot long tattoo of the Ferrari logo on his leg because he is the Italian Stallion") is worth a few more dates or if his text about wearing heels and nothing else was more than just not knowing how to be sly. I was ready to call it game over after that text...first, because it was in response to me saying I couldn't wait to get home and put on sweats (does that mean he doesn't appreciate the importance of the cozy clothes and pony tail) and second, because well, ew....I have at least 20 pounds to lose before I'd look in a mirror wearing nothing but heels and well, probably never when I would let someone else see me like that. But, my dating boss told me to give him the benefit of the doubt...maybe he'd been drinking. At 3:OO in the afternoon???? But, okay, his texts over the weekend were very tame....but still the images of both the nickname and the request have been burned into my mind. And, I will have to keep thinking about why the Hot Electrician will respond to a few fun casual texts but then ignore the one sent 3 days later. Usually I wait the appropriate 2-3 weeks between texts but this one was funny so figured why not.

Again, if someone named Madame Stardust told me he was the one turning me on (pun intended...and apologies to his sister and nieces) months from now then I'd be less anxious about what a few unreturned texts over several months mean. But, now I just have to convince myself that I really am on the non stalker side of the street and hope it to be the case. Well, as much as I would love to know if I have a chance of Mr. Right in my future I really can't see my former pearl wearing Reese Witherspoon type persona turning over Tarot cards in a dimly lit room that smells of incense andwho knows what else. Instead, I will just have that glass of wine.

Sunday rundown

I used to like watching 60 Minutes on Sunday nights as I felt it was the perfect way to get me caught up on news for the week...all in the span of an hour. I could take a few minutes (okay, 60 to be exact) out of my day and be informed for the week. I have decided to use that as a model for this blog...with one addition...I will add a Wednesday update as well. So, I will aim to provide 2 updates for my readers keeping you up to date on the craziness which we have discovered is my life. For my update this Sunday, I owe you an update on my date from Tuesday night...well, it didn't happen so I had nothing to update. My dating boss told me he had to cancel because I had sent off the aura that I didn't want to go on the date after all. Mr. Soprano was very friendly and apologetic when he called to say his day had been crazy and I completely understood. We talked for a long time with lots of laughter and funny stories and I admit to enjoying every minute of it. So, when he asked if we could try to do something over the weekend I didn't even try to come up with an excuse, I said yes...and then, put it out of my mind. I hate that I wasn't more excited and that I didn't spend the week trying to plan my wardrobe for a possible date. Why wasn't I chomping at the bit thinking about this very nice guy who liked to call me for his "fix", who drove a truck, coached his kids' football teams...well, pretty much fit almost every item on my list? But, I was going to ignore the apathy and just say yes if he called. My week was actually incredibly busy with work, kids, you know, life so pretty much put it all out of my mind and made plans for most of the weekend...wine bar with my GBFF Friday night, dinner with my dating boss and her husband Saturday night and 4 basketball games thrown in the middle somewhere. When I hadn't heard from him by Friday night I decided I wasn't going to go out with him. I mean really, shouldnt he be more interested in getting together with me? Yes, I appreciate the irony here but again, this is my blog so you should automatically side with me. And, even if you don't, I am going to believe you do so I am still smiling. Of course, I do get a text from him saying he has missed hearing from me and he'd love to get that drink Saturday night....I am not canceling my plans so just don't respond for a bit. I never said I wasn't a brat...After much consideration, I decide that maybe, just maybe, watching the 49er playoff game with him would be fun and really, why not just say yes. I text back that I have dinner plans with friends but would love to watch the game that afternoon at the local Chili's. This was a two fold plan...first, I wanted to see if there was any more chemistry and two, I think you can tell a lot about a guy by the way he watches football. Believe me, I am sure there is a science to my madness but only I know the equation. Now, I know this is going to amaze you all...but, I had a very nice time...shocker! He is still just as cute, made me laugh just as much and said all the right things. And, this time, I even kissed him goodbye. But, yet, when I showed up at my friend's house and she asked how it was my answer was qualified by "he's a very nice guy". Why is that? Why do I think that is a negative? Do I really need to eat nice guys for breakfast? Can't I at least let them stick around until dinner or dessert? Is there really something necessary about an edge? And the answer is yes, I do need the edge. I know my weaknesses and they are completely highlighted when I am with a guy who is too nice for me. I need someone to rein me in sometimes...to again, think I am almost perfection but certainly doesn't let me know that too often. But, I also know, I had a very nice time so next time he calls and yes, he will call, I will say yes and go have a great time. However, I also know, we will have a talk in the not so distant future that warns him to say no if I invite him over for breakfast.

No TV for me tonight

I’ve realized again, why I don’t date. I don’t like it! It is probably one of the reasons I stayed with Alex so much longer than I should have….I didn’t want to start over. I don’t like the anticipation, it doesn’t fill me with fun little butterflies or make me want to do my hair, my make up, smile big or play nice. The thought of it actually makes me want to pour a large glass of wine, curl up in my sweats on the couch and hide under a blanket. All of which sounds much better to me than going home, feeding the dogs then getting all “cute-ified” for drinks with Tony Soprano which is what I am doing tonight.


As I’ve mentioned before, he’s a very nice guy and cute. He meets several of the requirements on my novel length list and really will make some women a very nice date partner. I just am not feeling it today. I’ve thought of canceling several times but because I have given dating choice control over to a very good friend for the time being, she says I’m going…and that I’m going to have fun! Wow, not only do I not get to sit home and be cozy (if not a little lonely), I have to go out and have fun! Slave Driver!

But, really, I know she is right. I need to get out there and enjoy myself with members of the opposite sex…and not ones who are emotionally unavailable, have cheated on me, don’t call back…hmm…should I go on? No, I know having a drink with a nice looking, responsible, owns his own business kind of guy is what I should be doing. And, really, some women would kill for a nice date with a man who thinks she is hot, and smart, and funny. Okay, already, I’m going!! Like I said, I didn’t have a choice…my dating boss told me I was going.

So, while you are home comfortable reading this at your leisure, think of me suffering through a nice night with a nice guy. Yes, I’m feeling your sympathy from here.

Maybe it is time to change the station

I listen to the news in the morning. I can’t help it. Not only do I like to know what is going on in the world before I walk in the door at my office and everyone is buzzing around with “Did you know?” “What do you think about?” Working in an industry that is affected by politics justifies my obsession with MSNBC, CNN and Fox news a tad. I also know it reminds me of living in DC…where I think cars didn’t even come with alternative stations. It is like my version of “Doc Hollywood” when he would call the weather channel to hear just a taste of the accent he had grown to love. Just in a much more depressing cynical kind of way. Now, on the way home I listen to my country favorites and dream about Jake from Sweet Home Alabama wanting to sweep me off my feet in his extended cab Ford F250 but my mornings are reserved for reality. Which leads me to my new thoughts for 2012…maybe I need to branch out a little.

As I was scanning the online news this morning (yes, I really need to read more fiction) I saw a blip on Yahoo about your horoscope for the upcoming year so, while I have never been a believer in letting a life forecast determined by burning balls of fire thousands of miles away determine steps I take I couldn’t help clicking on the link and getting caught up by the predictions for an abundance of romance in the months dominated by the moon of something or other. Which I guess could be a problem…if I don’t know what month they are referring to, how will I know when to start looking for this love? And, if 2012 is going to be the year of romance and flowers for me, do you think my horoscope last year was just an emoticon of the god of love blowing me a raspberry? Really, 2011 wasn’t bad…lots of good fun just no prince…

But, maybe (as we’ve discovered more than once) I am expecting to be hit over the head with the love stick when instead, it is going to be more of a gradual affection that I keep putting out of my mind…like Tony Soprano. He continues to be so incredibly nice with check in texts (not too many…just enough to make me smile), will call every few days for his “fix” (he likes my accent) and makes me laugh whenever we talk. We haven’t had another date yet but I don’t think that is out of the question. I still think he is probably too nice but maybe he is just part of the abundance of romance that the stars say I have in store for me.

We all feel a sense of renewed excitement at the start of a year and I am hoping that maybe if I switch to music just one morning a week that I can add a little more hope and a little less reality to my year as well.

Well, it sounded like a good plan...

I pride myself on being a pretty good political strategist and actually do quite a bit of that in my "real job".  I know how to best stage an appearance, who should sit next to whom, what events to invite which elected officials to, what answers should be given when, etc...and while it obviously makes life seem pretty staged and planned, it works!  So, one wouldn't be too surprised to know that I'm usually pretty good at, well, scheming, off the clock either.  It is a talent (I choose to call it a talent) that I seem to have possessed all my life.  I knew how to conveniently be somewhere at the right time for that "chance" meeting...to know to do my homework on a prospect ahead of time...being prepared is never a bad thing.  And, for the most part it has served me well.  And, what is better, I have a very good friend who happens to be a A+ schemer as well.  Therefore, one would think that when these two friends, with a little brain power put their scheming heads together, that they would have covered all the details...the minute and the general.  Well, that is what one gets for thinking!

New Year's Eve is always pressure filled (read my entry from last year for confirmation) but it can also present a very nice opportunity for things to just "magically" happen...you know that magical kiss at midnight business....Yes, I've been watching holiday movies again.  Anyhow, Hallmark created expectations set aside, it seemed like the perfect time for the Hot Electrician and I to at least be at the same place at the same time again...especially since his relationship was over now.  So, off we went with our plans (granted, way late in the week) and a party was planned.  Perfect!  Now, what to wear.

Of course, I spent hours telling myself to not get my hopes up as really he never instigates the text conversations and obviously knows my number.  But, in conversations with my friend, we decided that women just are better at the whole text flirting thing...Maybe I should have been watching "He's Just Not That Into You"  instead of Kiss at Christmas or Boyfriend for Christmas or well, anything with Christmas in the title.  But, I was caught up the excitement of it all...even made plans to have my eye make up done all sexy like.

Let's revisit the previous paragraph now though as we overlooked one small detail....he was having his own party!  Seriously!!!  And, the guests at the different parties would not be the kind you could mix together into one...it would be like putting onions into the fruit bowl with apples...it just makes everything taste bad.  What dopes!  So much for the planned spontaneity of a NYE kiss.

Maybe I should be seeing this as a sign...he doesn't start the texts (and sometimes doesn't answer them) and our plans for a chance sighting is completely stopped in its tracks...hmm....anyone else see a pattern here?  And, I always thought I was smart!  But, somehow I still think we're supposed to at least go out...don't ask me to explain my logic, I just think it!

New Year's Eve still turned out to be a blast ....with great friends, yummy food and tons of laughs...reminding me that for all that I may not have, I have what I need...and, who knows, maybe 2012 will be the real start of my new life.