I love Christmas…the smells, decorating my house, the lights on all the trees in our cute downtown…but…and this is a pretty big but…I hate hanging up the lights outside. It is truly one more item I am adding to the perfect guy list…likes country music, drives a truck, thinks I’m fabulous and will hang Christmas lights!
However, since I really like the look of the lights, I want them hung! So, because I can be a bit stubborn at times (and yes, just a bit!), I got out my box of lights and started making my house look festive…not Griswold festive but good ole’ Southern charm, icicle white light festive…the kind of lights you see in all of the Hallmark movies. Yes, once again, I know those are fiction but seriously they sell the lights at Target, so how hard can it be?! I also forgot to remind myself that these made for TV movies also have electricians who hang their lights for them (once again, the electrician plays a starring role)!
Anyhow, after what seemed like several hours and more than one growl I had hung lights…okay, maybe flung, dropped, let land where they may, would better describe what I had done but they were up and I went inside relatively pleased with myself. I remained smug until dark when I actually turned the lights on. Oh my gosh, it looked like the light fairy had thrown up in my yard…and not in a good way! My house screams “lame, single woman lives here and sucks at Christmas lights!”
But, since I am nothing if not resilient, I went back to Target today and am now armed with $100 worth of easy button lights, extension cords and a whole new attitude. I’m going to show these lights who’s boss! And, if that fails, I’m calling 1-800-lightguy!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Ramblings from a Monday....
I’ve written before about having the “Tell Me” sign attached to my forehead and I apologize for revisiting this topic but after a few incidents this weekend, I believe the occasional verbal vomit story can be revisited.
As I mentioned I was hit with a pretty nasty case of the stomach flu...well, I am not sure I mentioned I had accidentally shared this incredible gift with my father who was visiting from Washington, DC. He came over on Saturday for a day of family, football and food…what I do best and left with a gift that just kept giving. He couldn’t leave his hotel room for 2 days…one of which was the day my stepmother was arriving from DC for our big mountain family Thanksgiving. Uh oh…
I had just picked the kids up from school and we were headed to our favorite little service corner where we could get lunch, my son could get a hair cut and my daughter and I much needed mani/pedis when my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my SM, and I knew she was worried about my dad and traveling across the country during one of the busiest travel weeks so I answered.
“I’m stuck in DC, trying to get to Minnesota but I’m going to miss my connecting flight and then I am going to end up sitting in a middle seat in coach, surrounded by amateur fliers and their screaming kids, I think I’ll just get off the plane now. Your dad needs to go to the emergency room and I can’t get there. I am going to just fly to Minnesota and then turn around and come home….” For a good two minutes this went on before I could even say a word. The kids were both trying to figure out who I was talking (or not talking to) while I was trying to figure out the appropriate course of action…while trying to talk her off the proverbial ledge…to the delight of her flight crew and fellow passengers I am sure.
After assurances that I had, indeed, made sure crackers and soda had been delivered to my dad’s hotel room and reminders that planes were flying to CA all day so she’d get here, her flight was boarded and she made her connecting flight okay. She called the next day and asked me to delete the earlier day as she was not herself. I told her no problem but next time, double the Xanax dosage.
Crisis averted, we got settled in our comfy pedicure chairs ready to forget our troubles. However it seemed the relaxation gods were not smiling on us that day as there was obviously some sort of salon drama playing out in front of us. The manager of the salon who was working with me at the time, kept apologizing for needing a couple of minutes and then she’d walk away to have a very loud heated conversation with one of the girls and then would come back all flustered. After the last break she just let it flow “One of my girls want to quit. Sometimes people misunderstand one another and it turn into a big deal”…at which point one of the girls sighs loudly while unpacking the big white bag of personal belongings she had been throwing into the bag during the flow up. My manicurist then went on to tell me about her husband who she married 3 years ago and who has been out of work since…All I could think was I am paying for this pleasure.
So, I am now 6 pounds lighter with great toes and fingers but with an ulcer the size of Texas….Great!
As I mentioned I was hit with a pretty nasty case of the stomach flu...well, I am not sure I mentioned I had accidentally shared this incredible gift with my father who was visiting from Washington, DC. He came over on Saturday for a day of family, football and food…what I do best and left with a gift that just kept giving. He couldn’t leave his hotel room for 2 days…one of which was the day my stepmother was arriving from DC for our big mountain family Thanksgiving. Uh oh…
I had just picked the kids up from school and we were headed to our favorite little service corner where we could get lunch, my son could get a hair cut and my daughter and I much needed mani/pedis when my phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my SM, and I knew she was worried about my dad and traveling across the country during one of the busiest travel weeks so I answered.
“I’m stuck in DC, trying to get to Minnesota but I’m going to miss my connecting flight and then I am going to end up sitting in a middle seat in coach, surrounded by amateur fliers and their screaming kids, I think I’ll just get off the plane now. Your dad needs to go to the emergency room and I can’t get there. I am going to just fly to Minnesota and then turn around and come home….” For a good two minutes this went on before I could even say a word. The kids were both trying to figure out who I was talking (or not talking to) while I was trying to figure out the appropriate course of action…while trying to talk her off the proverbial ledge…to the delight of her flight crew and fellow passengers I am sure.
After assurances that I had, indeed, made sure crackers and soda had been delivered to my dad’s hotel room and reminders that planes were flying to CA all day so she’d get here, her flight was boarded and she made her connecting flight okay. She called the next day and asked me to delete the earlier day as she was not herself. I told her no problem but next time, double the Xanax dosage.
Crisis averted, we got settled in our comfy pedicure chairs ready to forget our troubles. However it seemed the relaxation gods were not smiling on us that day as there was obviously some sort of salon drama playing out in front of us. The manager of the salon who was working with me at the time, kept apologizing for needing a couple of minutes and then she’d walk away to have a very loud heated conversation with one of the girls and then would come back all flustered. After the last break she just let it flow “One of my girls want to quit. Sometimes people misunderstand one another and it turn into a big deal”…at which point one of the girls sighs loudly while unpacking the big white bag of personal belongings she had been throwing into the bag during the flow up. My manicurist then went on to tell me about her husband who she married 3 years ago and who has been out of work since…All I could think was I am paying for this pleasure.
So, I am now 6 pounds lighter with great toes and fingers but with an ulcer the size of Texas….Great!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Looking for a positive spin
I don’t get sick very often…thank goodness! I don’t know if my body just knows I don’t the time for it or if I was just blessed with good health (I get the weird stuff that means monthly visits to my Ob/Gyn but the common cold not so much). Either way, I am thankful for the lack of germs that visit my body…especially after being completely knocked on my butt by the stomach flu this weekend.
Here I was making a great game day feast for my family (which everyone enjoyed) when I realized I was not going to make it to the night game. 2 days and 6 pounds lighter and I may be back among the living. Yikes! That was just rough.
Anyhow, as I can’t imagine anything worse than reading about someone getting sick, I will just move right on to the 6 pounds. So, now they are gone, and I won’t let them come back. I had already started the new exercise regime so this is just the kick start I needed, right?!
So that was the positive I got from my lost weekend…plus the realization whatever man I meet next better be understanding, as well as drive a truck, like country music, be tall, etc…as I expect a little TLC every now and then…
Here I was making a great game day feast for my family (which everyone enjoyed) when I realized I was not going to make it to the night game. 2 days and 6 pounds lighter and I may be back among the living. Yikes! That was just rough.
Anyhow, as I can’t imagine anything worse than reading about someone getting sick, I will just move right on to the 6 pounds. So, now they are gone, and I won’t let them come back. I had already started the new exercise regime so this is just the kick start I needed, right?!
So that was the positive I got from my lost weekend…plus the realization whatever man I meet next better be understanding, as well as drive a truck, like country music, be tall, etc…as I expect a little TLC every now and then…
Thursday, November 18, 2010
New Game Plan
So, while I have made half hearted attempts the last few months to get back into my old routine and kick my exercise habits into overdrive, the time for denial is now over! At the risk of sounding like one of the contestants on the Biggest Loser, “America, next time you see me I’ll be strutting my stuff in my size 8’s!”.
Why the new found enthusiasm you might ask? Well, it is a combination of occasions which has made me realize the back this baby has needs to lose the wide load label. First, I made the way overdue decision to clean out my closet last week and as I looked at size 6 after size 6 after…pairs of pants that I haven’t worn in at least 2 years I realized this was no longer just a phase in my life but a new era. And, one I wasn’t overly excited about. Push number 1…
Then, as I went to the doctor a few days later for my annual mammogram the nurse actually had to move fat out of the way. Now, don’t tell me I imagined it because I didn’t! She actually had to reposition me and push skin in the other direction. Seriously!! I had reached new lows…Push number 2….
Finally, as I have very slowly reached the realization that Alex is never coming to his senses and, maybe, just maybe one day I may actually want to meet Tim McGraw’s single brother who knocks on my door one day, I need to feel good about myself. While a dear friend told me that the guy doesn’t notice the extra 10 (okay, 20!) pounds, I do. And, because I do, I’m just not as “out there” as I’ve been in my life.
So, world, here we go. I may not have Bob & Jillian in my house screaming at me to get my booty in gear but I do have motivation so watch out!
Why the new found enthusiasm you might ask? Well, it is a combination of occasions which has made me realize the back this baby has needs to lose the wide load label. First, I made the way overdue decision to clean out my closet last week and as I looked at size 6 after size 6 after…pairs of pants that I haven’t worn in at least 2 years I realized this was no longer just a phase in my life but a new era. And, one I wasn’t overly excited about. Push number 1…
Then, as I went to the doctor a few days later for my annual mammogram the nurse actually had to move fat out of the way. Now, don’t tell me I imagined it because I didn’t! She actually had to reposition me and push skin in the other direction. Seriously!! I had reached new lows…Push number 2….
Finally, as I have very slowly reached the realization that Alex is never coming to his senses and, maybe, just maybe one day I may actually want to meet Tim McGraw’s single brother who knocks on my door one day, I need to feel good about myself. While a dear friend told me that the guy doesn’t notice the extra 10 (okay, 20!) pounds, I do. And, because I do, I’m just not as “out there” as I’ve been in my life.
So, world, here we go. I may not have Bob & Jillian in my house screaming at me to get my booty in gear but I do have motivation so watch out!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Not quite Joe Nichols worthy…
Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a big drinker. No, believe me, I’m not saying I don’t drink because well, I’d be lying. I’ve mentioned BevMo more often in my blogs than most family members so we all know I am not opposed to alcohol at all. To be more accurate, I don’t get drunk. I can probably count on both hands the number of times I’ve been out and out drunk in my life…thank goodness!
And, again, I have no problem with people who drink like that, I just can’t…as a complete and total control freak, the idea of not being in absolute control of my actions is beyond comprehension. And, it is very difficult to be smart sexy when you are slurring your words so I just don’t make it a habit. Now that I’ve laid the groundwork for my philosophy on drinking, forget that for this blog as I definitely drank more than I wanted to or should have a few weeks ago which is where my trip down Embarrassment Avenue comes into play.
One of my girlfriends and her husband threw a long awaited summer party, which turned into a Fall Fiesta right around Halloween. When the idea first emerged her incredibly cute electrician brother (yes, THAT electrician) and I joked she should have an ice luge at the party. She had no idea what we were talking about so I promised her I’d have one for her at the much anticipated event. And, I did…(thank you Amazon.com…and 24 hours in the freezer).
The shooting star ice sculpture was a hit…but of course, had to be tested…again, and I guess, again. People of all legal ages were drinking ice cold tequila like it was water. Unfortunately this included me. I don’t know what I was thinking but the fun cute happy smile was no longer in my control as my flirting with Mr. Hot Electrician was just not so cute any more (in my mind) so I went to bed…immediately.
I woke up the next morning, totally mortified. I know I didn’t do or say anything completely outrageous, just out of character for me. I couldn’t text Mr. Hot Electrician fast enough to apologize for gosh knows what I said. He was incredibly gracious and told me how much fun he had. Ay yay yay….really? Am I 16?!
But, as I really am just all that witty…I took this as an opportunity to make fun of myself a few more times via text with him…each time resulting in a quick exchange of fun flirty messages. And, while nothing has still come of the chemistry (which I believe to be there), I have to say the fact he spelled every word in all of his texts correctly…which as we know is a big one for me. Maybe that is a sign…
Anyhow, I’m now back on the no tequila for me band wagon…(at least it didn’t make my clothes fall off!)
And, again, I have no problem with people who drink like that, I just can’t…as a complete and total control freak, the idea of not being in absolute control of my actions is beyond comprehension. And, it is very difficult to be smart sexy when you are slurring your words so I just don’t make it a habit. Now that I’ve laid the groundwork for my philosophy on drinking, forget that for this blog as I definitely drank more than I wanted to or should have a few weeks ago which is where my trip down Embarrassment Avenue comes into play.
One of my girlfriends and her husband threw a long awaited summer party, which turned into a Fall Fiesta right around Halloween. When the idea first emerged her incredibly cute electrician brother (yes, THAT electrician) and I joked she should have an ice luge at the party. She had no idea what we were talking about so I promised her I’d have one for her at the much anticipated event. And, I did…(thank you Amazon.com…and 24 hours in the freezer).
The shooting star ice sculpture was a hit…but of course, had to be tested…again, and I guess, again. People of all legal ages were drinking ice cold tequila like it was water. Unfortunately this included me. I don’t know what I was thinking but the fun cute happy smile was no longer in my control as my flirting with Mr. Hot Electrician was just not so cute any more (in my mind) so I went to bed…immediately.
I woke up the next morning, totally mortified. I know I didn’t do or say anything completely outrageous, just out of character for me. I couldn’t text Mr. Hot Electrician fast enough to apologize for gosh knows what I said. He was incredibly gracious and told me how much fun he had. Ay yay yay….really? Am I 16?!
But, as I really am just all that witty…I took this as an opportunity to make fun of myself a few more times via text with him…each time resulting in a quick exchange of fun flirty messages. And, while nothing has still come of the chemistry (which I believe to be there), I have to say the fact he spelled every word in all of his texts correctly…which as we know is a big one for me. Maybe that is a sign…
Anyhow, I’m now back on the no tequila for me band wagon…(at least it didn’t make my clothes fall off!)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I'm baaaaccckkkk
We now return to the previously scheduled programming of my life…as I took a brief hiatus to focus on my unsuccessful attempt to be the next Barbara Eden and Harper Valley PTA star. But as I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, I believe I lost because really, how exciting would a blog be if it was all about school board politics? Yawn!
So, to catch you all up to speed on the non-earth shattering but somewhat amusing activities which happened during our commercial break….
While I did lose my run for the school board, I did take simple (albeit somewhat sick) pleasure in the fact that every single time Alex and the dwarf drove to work or outside of town they had to pass by huge signs with my name on them. Okay, yes, I am moving on, but have to admit I found that funny.
Halloween was once again an event for the ages as the former husband, and the GF plus the kids and me participated in the downtown trick or treat adventures. The two of them coming in matching surgical outfits because as my daughter informed me…”Daddy has a heart on his chest because “GF” has made him Dr. Love”…no, I didn’t actually vomit on the spot but laughed out loud quite a bit. Oh my gosh! But, my favorite part of the night was watching people’s faces as they saw the two of us with the kids (a very common occasion) but then saw the addition of the GF grasping his hand as if she may actually get lost if she didn’t hang on for dear life. I, of course, poured a nice glass of cabernet to go with the candy bar I snagged from my kids’ stash as soon as I got home.
There is still no knight in shining armor parking his horse outside my front door but I will catch you all up to date on my foray into embarrassment land tomorrow.
Thanks for being patient with me!
So, to catch you all up to speed on the non-earth shattering but somewhat amusing activities which happened during our commercial break….
While I did lose my run for the school board, I did take simple (albeit somewhat sick) pleasure in the fact that every single time Alex and the dwarf drove to work or outside of town they had to pass by huge signs with my name on them. Okay, yes, I am moving on, but have to admit I found that funny.
Halloween was once again an event for the ages as the former husband, and the GF plus the kids and me participated in the downtown trick or treat adventures. The two of them coming in matching surgical outfits because as my daughter informed me…”Daddy has a heart on his chest because “GF” has made him Dr. Love”…no, I didn’t actually vomit on the spot but laughed out loud quite a bit. Oh my gosh! But, my favorite part of the night was watching people’s faces as they saw the two of us with the kids (a very common occasion) but then saw the addition of the GF grasping his hand as if she may actually get lost if she didn’t hang on for dear life. I, of course, poured a nice glass of cabernet to go with the candy bar I snagged from my kids’ stash as soon as I got home.
There is still no knight in shining armor parking his horse outside my front door but I will catch you all up to date on my foray into embarrassment land tomorrow.
Thanks for being patient with me!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Playtex Wars
There are certain moments a mother thinks about when she looks at her daughter's future...her first pedicure, learning to wear make up, her first kiss, buying her first bra, her wedding, her first child, etc...all moments I have and will cherish with my daughter...especially because none of them were big with my mom. Now, if I had been interested in peace marches or buying Birkenstocks, those would have been huge moments...Anyhow, as I was saying, having a daughter means being able to look forward to these bonding moments.
So, imagine my surprise when my incredibly precocious and open 8 year old daughter announces to me the other day that she got a set of sports bras at Wal-Mart. As I never want to completely freak out in front of the kids, and because it wasn't like she said she bought a thong at Victoria's Secret, I calmly (at least I think I was calm) asked "Oh, you did? Did Daddy buy those for you?" I was thinking maybe she had been begging for these and he just threw them in the cart, not really thinking about what they were. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not wanting to crucify him before I knew the whole story.
Again, because, my daughter truly has no filter, and really shouldn't at age 8, quickly points out that the 6 ft tall Qupie doll girlfriend bought them for her. Really?? I tried to, again, without hyperventilating, ask how this came about. I mean, it isn't like my daughter has hit puberty early, nor has this even been a topic of conversation, EVER! So, how exactly is it, that a woman, who one, has never had children, and two, on any given day can be overwhelmed by mine (and his) now has all of this motherly instinct?? Of course, the 8 year old answers (as she does with many things), "I don't know."
I was incredibly proud of my restraint, as I didn't send off a "Are you flipping kidding me? Did the Amazon with the enhanced C cup truly buy my very impressionable pre pubescent daughter a bra????" text. Probably because I knew it would be over the limit of 160 characters. But, again, with the tension we have had lately decided this was a conversation best had in person, and not in a location with sharp objects.
I'm not crazy, right? There are just certain lines you don't cross...especially when I have been nothing but nice to this woman since the day she entered my former husband's life. And, just because she has drama non-mama moments does not mean she needs to include my children in her latest attempts to prove she can handle being a full time step mom.
The next day at our regular Starbucks morning, in a very non high pitch voice, I said "So, I heard we made some interesting purchases at Wal-Mart yesterday..." with a very pointed look. My 11 year old son, who is often too wise for his own good, said, "yeah, really weird purchases!"...which elicited a much needed laugh. The former husband had the good sense to look chagrined and commented that yes, that was odd and he wondered if I knew why. I, of course, assured him, the why didn't come from me at all and that an actual one (non sports version) was not to be purchased for a very long time. The look tried to convey that I would be that person buying that version but don't worry, it will be clearly stated before that time.
Now that I have had my Tasmanian devil Mom moment, I will go back to being the sweet as pie, invite her over to dinner, Southern hospitality picture of graciousness I usually try to be. But, be forewarned, don't mess with a Momma!
So, imagine my surprise when my incredibly precocious and open 8 year old daughter announces to me the other day that she got a set of sports bras at Wal-Mart. As I never want to completely freak out in front of the kids, and because it wasn't like she said she bought a thong at Victoria's Secret, I calmly (at least I think I was calm) asked "Oh, you did? Did Daddy buy those for you?" I was thinking maybe she had been begging for these and he just threw them in the cart, not really thinking about what they were. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not wanting to crucify him before I knew the whole story.
Again, because, my daughter truly has no filter, and really shouldn't at age 8, quickly points out that the 6 ft tall Qupie doll girlfriend bought them for her. Really?? I tried to, again, without hyperventilating, ask how this came about. I mean, it isn't like my daughter has hit puberty early, nor has this even been a topic of conversation, EVER! So, how exactly is it, that a woman, who one, has never had children, and two, on any given day can be overwhelmed by mine (and his) now has all of this motherly instinct?? Of course, the 8 year old answers (as she does with many things), "I don't know."
I was incredibly proud of my restraint, as I didn't send off a "Are you flipping kidding me? Did the Amazon with the enhanced C cup truly buy my very impressionable pre pubescent daughter a bra????" text. Probably because I knew it would be over the limit of 160 characters. But, again, with the tension we have had lately decided this was a conversation best had in person, and not in a location with sharp objects.
I'm not crazy, right? There are just certain lines you don't cross...especially when I have been nothing but nice to this woman since the day she entered my former husband's life. And, just because she has drama non-mama moments does not mean she needs to include my children in her latest attempts to prove she can handle being a full time step mom.
The next day at our regular Starbucks morning, in a very non high pitch voice, I said "So, I heard we made some interesting purchases at Wal-Mart yesterday..." with a very pointed look. My 11 year old son, who is often too wise for his own good, said, "yeah, really weird purchases!"...which elicited a much needed laugh. The former husband had the good sense to look chagrined and commented that yes, that was odd and he wondered if I knew why. I, of course, assured him, the why didn't come from me at all and that an actual one (non sports version) was not to be purchased for a very long time. The look tried to convey that I would be that person buying that version but don't worry, it will be clearly stated before that time.
Now that I have had my Tasmanian devil Mom moment, I will go back to being the sweet as pie, invite her over to dinner, Southern hospitality picture of graciousness I usually try to be. But, be forewarned, don't mess with a Momma!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
He's just not that into you...
There has been a battle waging lately, in the oh so interesting land of my brain, that rivals the Hatfields and McCoys any day of the week. It is the struggle between patience and perseverance and the hard cold truth that maybe, just maybe, I'm really not all that irresistible and yes, he (substitute name of appropriate guy here) really isn't all that into me.
I'm usually good at justification; of why someone does something, why I should get away with something, why I need that new pair of shoes (although I've been very aware of my bank account and have pretty much cured myself of the shoe justification). However, even I have the draw the line at some point. And, while my pride may take another hit, I need to realize that none of the cuties (or not so cuties) I have mentioned in this blog are pining away over me. Therefore, I ought not be pining (or even pseudo pining) over them.
Really! C'mon, Cutie doesn't initiate communication because he doesn't want to...not because his life is busy or as he tells me in our emails, how crazy work is and wow he wishes he had time for a get together. He isn't a brain surgeon, small business owner or truck driver so yeah, thinking work may be an excuse. And, seriously, Alex has not spent even half the time thinking about what a mistake he has made as I think he is. He has moved on...even if it is with the 8th dwarf so not moving very fast. But moving, nonetheless. Finally, if the friend's brother had even an inclination of wanting to go out with me, he would have called. So, I need to accept these facts and again, get over it and take the next steps forward in the right direction.
It isn't as if I don't think I have a lot to offer...not bad for a chick in her early 40's (not Cindy Crawford but don't need a bag over my head either), pretty darned smart, amusing and entertaining...wait, I'm starting to sound like an e-Harmony ad. What I'm saying is, this isn't a session for me to feel down about myself...it is just a wake up call that the fantasy life and scenarios I can create in my head really aren't reality. Yeah, what a news flash!
Bottom line is, while Ben Affleck may have been that into Jennifer Aniston in the movie, in reality, these guys just "aren't that into me"...but the one who is, is out there.
I'm usually good at justification; of why someone does something, why I should get away with something, why I need that new pair of shoes (although I've been very aware of my bank account and have pretty much cured myself of the shoe justification). However, even I have the draw the line at some point. And, while my pride may take another hit, I need to realize that none of the cuties (or not so cuties) I have mentioned in this blog are pining away over me. Therefore, I ought not be pining (or even pseudo pining) over them.
Really! C'mon, Cutie doesn't initiate communication because he doesn't want to...not because his life is busy or as he tells me in our emails, how crazy work is and wow he wishes he had time for a get together. He isn't a brain surgeon, small business owner or truck driver so yeah, thinking work may be an excuse. And, seriously, Alex has not spent even half the time thinking about what a mistake he has made as I think he is. He has moved on...even if it is with the 8th dwarf so not moving very fast. But moving, nonetheless. Finally, if the friend's brother had even an inclination of wanting to go out with me, he would have called. So, I need to accept these facts and again, get over it and take the next steps forward in the right direction.
It isn't as if I don't think I have a lot to offer...not bad for a chick in her early 40's (not Cindy Crawford but don't need a bag over my head either), pretty darned smart, amusing and entertaining...wait, I'm starting to sound like an e-Harmony ad. What I'm saying is, this isn't a session for me to feel down about myself...it is just a wake up call that the fantasy life and scenarios I can create in my head really aren't reality. Yeah, what a news flash!
Bottom line is, while Ben Affleck may have been that into Jennifer Aniston in the movie, in reality, these guys just "aren't that into me"...but the one who is, is out there.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Hot for teacher...
I guess that is a little misleading as I'm not in school, and we're actually talking about a basketball coach but the sentiment just seemed to fit...
Once again my weekends were filled with lazy hours at the beach, being waited on by hot cabana boys and serenaded by gorgeous country singers who just think I'm all that and ten bags of chips...wait, you aren't buying it. Yeah well, neither am I! But, I am really not complaining as I love having my kids involved in sports and activities and all the stuff that makes them happy. However, I also don't mind when those activities have a little hidden bonus for me!
My daughter's basketball team is usually coached by my former husband, but for the last two weeks he has had conflicts so it has been a duty thrust upon the leader of the basketball program. I tried to substitute at least one time last season and it was so pathetic the older girls who were out on the court came over to save their younger dribbling sisters from complete bball humiliation. Hey, I was a great basketball cheerleader...I swear!
Anyhow, I have seen the head of the program on numerous times over the past 2 years, and have always found him on the attractive side...tall, dark hair, and obviously likes sports (and kids!). But, considering I was completely obsessed with Alex for the better part of those 24 months, never really gave Mr B-ball much more than a passing glance. Also, it wasn't like he was accidentally throwing the ball my direction to get my attention either. Although, you can't really blame him since I either come to practice each week with my hair in a pony/baseball hat or I think he assumes I'm still married to Mr. Wonderful. Either way, we aren't talking instant chemistry.
But, this Saturday I made a point of at least chatting with him more than the obligatory "Hey, how's it going?" and even did the whole smile and make him laugh thing. And, when I saw him pull up to the gym, he was driving an oversized pick up truck...oh yeah, closet Red Neck!! C'mon, how can I not at least try to see if this could lead to a dinner or drinks...
So, next Saturday, I will shower, look cute, but not too cute and see if I can't get do my own rendition of "Put me in, Coach."... I'll let you know how it goes.
Once again my weekends were filled with lazy hours at the beach, being waited on by hot cabana boys and serenaded by gorgeous country singers who just think I'm all that and ten bags of chips...wait, you aren't buying it. Yeah well, neither am I! But, I am really not complaining as I love having my kids involved in sports and activities and all the stuff that makes them happy. However, I also don't mind when those activities have a little hidden bonus for me!
My daughter's basketball team is usually coached by my former husband, but for the last two weeks he has had conflicts so it has been a duty thrust upon the leader of the basketball program. I tried to substitute at least one time last season and it was so pathetic the older girls who were out on the court came over to save their younger dribbling sisters from complete bball humiliation. Hey, I was a great basketball cheerleader...I swear!
Anyhow, I have seen the head of the program on numerous times over the past 2 years, and have always found him on the attractive side...tall, dark hair, and obviously likes sports (and kids!). But, considering I was completely obsessed with Alex for the better part of those 24 months, never really gave Mr B-ball much more than a passing glance. Also, it wasn't like he was accidentally throwing the ball my direction to get my attention either. Although, you can't really blame him since I either come to practice each week with my hair in a pony/baseball hat or I think he assumes I'm still married to Mr. Wonderful. Either way, we aren't talking instant chemistry.
But, this Saturday I made a point of at least chatting with him more than the obligatory "Hey, how's it going?" and even did the whole smile and make him laugh thing. And, when I saw him pull up to the gym, he was driving an oversized pick up truck...oh yeah, closet Red Neck!! C'mon, how can I not at least try to see if this could lead to a dinner or drinks...
So, next Saturday, I will shower, look cute, but not too cute and see if I can't get do my own rendition of "Put me in, Coach."... I'll let you know how it goes.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
OCD with a side of neurosis
There is no doubt in my mind (or the minds of anyone around me) that I'm a little "special"...and by special I mean crazy. Not "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" crazy, but a little more like Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good as it Gets"...wow...he's played crazy several times. Anyhow, yes, I'm a little, hmm..., particular about certain things but really, I think that is just a sign that I like things how I like them, right? Although, it could also be interfering with me finding someone new...just saying.
Perfect example of how whacked I actually am came earlier this evening as the kids and I were watching "The Middle" on television. While I'm a much bigger fan of "Modern Family", Katie swears by this show so we watch it as a family and I will admit to laughing out loud at least a few times each episode. However, those moments of enjoyment are completely overshadowed by the fact I often watch the show with my eyes half closed. No, it's not scary in the horror film kind of way but more in the "oh my gosh, how can you live in such an unorganized, the carpets aren't straight, kids 1/2 dressed, pig-sty kind of life?". Seriously, I freak out! I understand it is a television show, designed to make you laugh but really, for someone with more than the average OCD tendencies, it is just pure torture.
This, of course, got me to thinking...what nut job is going to meet my long list of criteria and still want to go out with me? I'm crazy! I personally don't think there is anything majorly wrong with my need to have the money in my wallet be organized from 1's up, face forward, but maybe there are others who might not get it. And, even my sister, who has been known to break out into cold sweats when the carpets aren't aligned properly, said I was a freak the other day.
She and I were talking about my list of requirements for the next man in my life and I realized I hadn't added "must be able to spell...even in text messages". She was floored...but I can't help it, I spend waaayyy too much time making sure my texts, my emails, my status updates are spelled correctly. If I don't know how to spell it, I will change the word. I'm not expecting Mr. Hot Stuff to be Einstein (that would bug me) but yes, proper spelling is up there.
So, along with a dear friend, I've decided to start a new online dating service for smart rednecks only...I, of course, will be the judge of what constitutes the redneck and the smart part will probably be obvious. Now I just have to come up with a name...Any suggestions?
Perfect example of how whacked I actually am came earlier this evening as the kids and I were watching "The Middle" on television. While I'm a much bigger fan of "Modern Family", Katie swears by this show so we watch it as a family and I will admit to laughing out loud at least a few times each episode. However, those moments of enjoyment are completely overshadowed by the fact I often watch the show with my eyes half closed. No, it's not scary in the horror film kind of way but more in the "oh my gosh, how can you live in such an unorganized, the carpets aren't straight, kids 1/2 dressed, pig-sty kind of life?". Seriously, I freak out! I understand it is a television show, designed to make you laugh but really, for someone with more than the average OCD tendencies, it is just pure torture.
This, of course, got me to thinking...what nut job is going to meet my long list of criteria and still want to go out with me? I'm crazy! I personally don't think there is anything majorly wrong with my need to have the money in my wallet be organized from 1's up, face forward, but maybe there are others who might not get it. And, even my sister, who has been known to break out into cold sweats when the carpets aren't aligned properly, said I was a freak the other day.
She and I were talking about my list of requirements for the next man in my life and I realized I hadn't added "must be able to spell...even in text messages". She was floored...but I can't help it, I spend waaayyy too much time making sure my texts, my emails, my status updates are spelled correctly. If I don't know how to spell it, I will change the word. I'm not expecting Mr. Hot Stuff to be Einstein (that would bug me) but yes, proper spelling is up there.
So, along with a dear friend, I've decided to start a new online dating service for smart rednecks only...I, of course, will be the judge of what constitutes the redneck and the smart part will probably be obvious. Now I just have to come up with a name...Any suggestions?
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