How is it possible that I just attended my son's middle school back to school night? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was in middle school? I mean my best friend is still the same and I'm not much taller than I was then...but let's not talk about what I weighed. So really, imagine the feelings that went through my mind as I went from class to class tonight learning about the importance of the brain transformation of my 7th grader. 7th grader?! Hanging out at his locker...going to dances...playing on the sports teams...when did time speed up and I was no longer the cheerleader going to my locker, hearing my 1st boyfriend yell "Lady" as he left Biology class to meet me...(Kenny Rogers' Lady was "our song")? And, more importantly, how do I make time stand still?
I'm going to blame this incredible feeling of nostalgia for my step (or 2 or 12) backwards this week as I've actually had to sit on my hands to refrain from texting Alex. Yes, I did just put that in print...I've missed him... like not just a passing thought miss, but an actual punch to the stomach ugh kind of missing him. And, just a week after my walk on the Samantha side of the street, no strings, mind blowing time with Oh my, how good looking are you FWB. Doesn't really seem fair if you ask me. But then again, fair is for baseball and skin types...life is about taking what cards you have been dealt and seeing what kind of hand you can make out of it. And, I've never been known to fold. I should also add, I've also never won a poker tournament so maybe, just maybe, folding isn't always a bad thing.
And, while I haven't succumbed to the desire to reach out and get in touch, it has made me realize that I've been kind of full of myself in thinking that I was all Samantha (or even Carrie like) these days...when really, I still have a lot of Charlotte angst going on over Alex. I want to be ready to move on...and really do will myself to be so...being attracted to new people, going out, flirting, having fun...but when it comes to actually thinking about meeting someone who has even an inkling of a chance of being something more, I balk. If you look at my track record, you'll see that it is so....every guy I've talked about in this blog was going to be unavailable for one reason or another...easy to say "I just can't move on" if you are only hanging out with Mr. Right Now...not Mr. Right.
But, before you beat me up and tell me it is beyond time to get on with my life, remember this is the longest I've ever gone as a single adult...so really, I should be celebrated with champagne and roses (again, this is my blog so I can spin the story however I want). And, while I know it is going to take one very special guy with a strong backbone, sense of persistence, healthy ego (not to mention the other 100 things on my list) to either break down, climb over or blow up the walls I have built, when he does, boy will it be worth it.
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