If you know me, or have being reading this blog for any amount of time, you know I don't feel sorry for myself or stay down for very long. The way I look at it, why complain as no one really wants to listen anyway and two, what in the world do I have to complain about anyhow?! Sure, I get a little money stressed sometimes as I juggle to pay bills but my kids have never gone hungry nor have we ever worried about being homeless. But, really in the whole perspective of life, I have it pretty good...as do the two dogs snuggled up under me as I write this.
However, the Christmas season was starting to get to me and I was once again surprised that life had not sent me Mr. Wonderful, all wrapped up with a big red bow. Now that I am ready to move on (FINALLY!) shouldn't there be someone available to dying to move on with me? So, with every "Kiss begins with Kay" commercial and Hallmark movie, I was getting a little more worried that I may never find that type of love again. (Yes, I know I can fast forward through commercials and don't actually have to watch every flippin Christmas movie...don't judge!!).
To add insult to injury I delivered baked goods to my neighbor across the street...one I really like and owe her as she found our house for us...but one who at 60+ has never been married and until her 100 year old mother passed away last year, hasn't lived alone in decades. She is the epitome of all I am scared of being as I age...bitter, depressed and waiting for the universe to give her the life she truly thought she deserved. Was this my future? Was I going to be "that woman"...cats or no cats? It was too early in the day to start drinking so I opted for a Christmas cookie instead to quench my sorrows. Of course, then, that just made me worry that not only was I going to be alone, but now I was going to be fat and alone because I just ate a stinking sugar snow man! I was on a roll!
But then, as though someone (yes, I am a person of faith) knew I needed a pick me up, the night with friends I had actually thought of cancelling intervened. With my house full of people of all ages who I adore and who I know kind of think I'm fabulous too, laughter replaced doubts, warm hearts took over the chill I had been feeling, and I once again remembered this is where I'm supposed to be right now....you may not get what you want, but you get what you need (thanks God...and the Rolling Stones!).
I stayed with Alex long after I should have because I truly believed I was sent to him because I would always love him unconditionally and stand by him no matter what...and I did...and in essence still do. I will always love him (I don't think it is possible for me not to) but I am using this Christmas season to truly move on. That doesn't mean with a man...it means with my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment