I'm a firm believer in convenience and, of course, have completely bought into using my computer to assist with almost every task. I shop online, I read my newspaper online, chat with family, look at pictures, plan vacations...you name it and my trusty mouse is my right hand man. However, I had drawn the line at the ability for a few questions to lead me to the next man of my dreams. If I hadn't been able to get this right after 25 years of interacting with the opposite sex, how in the world did anyone expect a few clicks of the computer to figure it out for me?
I am not opposed, at all, to the concept of online matchmaking and have several friends with marriage or dating success stories. And, for them, I say Woot! Woot! I just wasn't convinced it was the route for me. However, after a few glasses of wine with a girlfriend and a pouting session over Alex and the 8th dwarf, I thought "Why not?" Obviously I had missed the warning label on my wine bottle that read "Caution - consumption impairs judgement" and online I went.
After spending a little time weighing the pros and cons of each site, I decided to go for the less booty call/1-900 number looking sites and focused on the "soul mate" propaganda. I was already skeptical and not the least bit convinced I'd find true love again on the computer but figured I could try anything once, right?! A few more sips of wine and I was ready for question #1. How tall are you? Ok, not a tough one and I answer honestly...but then, the next question threw me a little. "How important is height to you?" It is actually very important to me. I am definitely on the vertically challenged side of the scale but have to date tall/big guys. It is just my thing...I'm one of those women...the kind that tall women can't stand because we limit the number of tall guys available to them. I can't help it...I just am attracted to guys who look like they played football in high school. But, the question didn't ask, how tall I like guys ...just my height. So, does that mean the computer has a formula that generates what heights work for me? Uh oh...warning bells are dinging.
But, I pull up my big girl panties and push forward...I mean, how tough can this really be? After a few more pretty easy questions, it gets to the compatibility section...a list of 35 characteristics you can't stand in a man. Ok...this should help and I start checking things off...realizing, "Wow, I really am high maintenance." But, we knew that already so I don't focus on the fact I've checked off the first 5 things and continue down the list. I try to check off my next turn-off and get a warning beep and box that tells me I've reached my limit of checks and need to delete before moving on. What??? How can there only be 5 on this list I have to pick. Does that mean I have to keep "Whiny and clingy" so I can check off "Not concerned with daily hygeine"? Is that really a fair choice? But, I've paid for the minimum 3 month membership so, at this point, close my eyes and pick.
Eventually (and with the help of a little more of my favorite grape juice) I am ready for the computer to match me up with Mr. Right. My pictures are loaded (and wow, what a choice that was...fun and athletic? Or suave and sophisticated? Goofy and Mom-like or sexy and seductive?), my personality is narrowed down by a bunch of check marks of my own and I hit submit. I expect the matches to start pouring in...c'mon, I'm cute, fun ...who wouldn't want to be "matched" with me??? And, I wait. And wait...
Until bing...first 5 matches. Wow...okay, 5 is a good number...I can do this. I start skimming and yes, I know, you can't judge a book by its cover but if these guys went through half the trouble I did loading pictures, you'd hope they put their best one out there. So, narrowed down to 2 right away. "Looking for romantic, soulful poetry sessions on the beach." Really?? Yes, this should probably turn me on...but just screams not "manly" enough for me. "Want caring wife and mother for my unborn children"...I just want dinner and a movie. Okay, no success stories on night one.
Persistence is a strong suit so I keep going back to my matches and really do try on one or two and reach out for the next step. A few emails with one who characterized himself as a lover of sports, good wine and great food seemed like a good prospect so hit the communicate button. Well, the self described very attractive Latin hottie was a dead ringer for Ponch from CHP's. Okay, not so much...Like the marathon runner I'm not, I kept going...but after a few more weeks of checking off boxes and feeling bad every time I reject a match (and you have to give a reason - which killed me - how do you write "Yeah, so not for me" without sounding harsh??) I know my first instinct was correct. The world of online dating is just not for me. There wasn't a box marked "Jake Perry - the gorgeous, sexy, strong, quiet Southern character in Sweet Home Alabama...
Part of me is probably just not ready for the next step, another part is waiting for him to ring my doorbell (and hoping it's not just the UPS man) and finally, another part of me really is searching for the ideal. So...I will go back to using my computer to find perfect shoes, the incredible deal on airline tickets or just entertain all of you with my crazy life. And, once again, I really am ok with that.
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