Sometimes less really is more...

There are certain people in a woman's life whose relationships she protects with all her might...No, I'm not talking about her kids, her spouse or even the friend who knows what she did that crazy weekend in Vegas.  These are the Holy Grail of survival for most women...their hairdresser, the 16 year old down the street who will babysit at a moment's notice and their OB/GYN.  These people either know the most intimate details about your life (c'mon, we've all learned more gossip at the hair salon than in an issue of People magazine) or maintain your sanity when you just have to get to that meeting/drinks with the girls on time.  I know I have at least 2 numbers and an email address for each of these individuals and am not afraid to use them...just ask Dr. Nguyen.

Without unnecessary chick detail, let's just suffice it to say my uterus and ovaries are obvious primadonnas as they absolutely must have their picture taken several times a year.  This need to be seen under the bright lights and cameras means I have a very close relationship with my poor GYN, Dr. Nguyen.  He is a young, quiet, unassuming Asian American who truly does not know what to do with me.  I think if I hadn't threatened to stalk him to the ends of the Earth if necessary, he would have not just moved out of the area or state, he'd have given up medicine entirely and opened a grass farm...where there were no women!  Okay, I'm not that bad but truly, my humor does seem to baffle him on a regular basis.

Dr. Nguyen went into great detail to explain the most recent procedure to me...there were charts, graphs, photos, lots of big words describing the two treatments which could be done; one which involved boiling water and the other high frequency microwave rays but just a lot more scientific than that.  He sent me home to think about the procedure and decide if I was comfortable with the options available to me.  The next week I came back and he asked if I understood the treatment.  Without missing a beat I answered "Yes, I could handle either the baked or boiled items on the menu.".  He stopped completely, while the nurse snickered in the background and looked more confused than I ever did in Geometry class (which is saying quite a bit) and then finally just cracked up.  "Oh, you're funny.  I've never heard that before.  You are just so funny."  Now, granted, I was pretty pleased with myself but not sure I was winning Last Comic Standing any time soon.  But, he was still laughing as I walked out the door so I figured I was good.

Just recently I had to go back for a follow up to check on the success of the baking treatment (yes, Shake & Bake was what worked).  Dr. Nguyen did all of the required questions and ended by asking the nurse to do a pregnancy test.  I laughed and tried to tell him he could save the hospital money because it was absolutely not possible.  He insisted and I finally told him "Dr., I haven't even had dinner with a guy in the last few months, so dessert has definitely been out of the question.  Really the test is unnecessary." He once again, had the look of deep concern...as if I had maybe fallen and hit my head, therefore speaking jibberish...and paused before saying "Oh no, many women have relations without ever even eating dinner."

And, with that, I realized that while he truly was the most amazing doctor, I needed to never try to be sarcastic or witty with him again.  I needed him to stay my doctor, I couldn't break in a new one.  And, if he had to deal with too many more of my little quips, he really might open that grass farm after all.