I had an entirely different post I was going to write today about "mean girls" and the inability to ever truly rid your life of them, even after middle school, but after a phone call today, I decided to shelve that one for later. Unfortunately, as the uncanny knack women have to piss each other off never seems to go away, that post will be relevant whenever I get around to writing it.
Today, instead, will be about the perils of falling in love...again. No, don't worry, you didn't miss a whirlwind relationship in the week since I posted. I promise! And, believe me, my friends who talk to me every day were probably wondering what the heck had happened when I went to Safeway as they know that was about the extent of my excitement this weekend. No, even though this phone call had nothing to do with me falling in love again, it was a necessary reminder for those of us who have love and lost...and by lost, I mean full on shut out, upset of a loss. It was both a happy glimpse and a poignant glance at the resiliency of the human heart.
During the cross country phone call, while my friend's heart was in the middle of breaking after the end of a relationship, we were both able to find the positive among the tears. And, while I know several of you want to smack me with my constant silver lining mumbo jumbo (remember my sarcasm overcomes my saccharine laced optimism), it really is true. She, like many of us, had her heart completely broken several years ago by the man she thought was her forever man and for the longest time was depressed and concerned that she had lost her chance at the plus one forever. Okay, maybe a bit over-dramatic, but you get my point. She was content in her life but not truly happy and then she met someone who changed that.
In the beginning she was very guarded and concerned about letting herself really just feel. But, because I am the queen of dishing out advice I don't ever plan on taking myself, I told her to just enjoy it and let herself be treated with the love and respect she truly deserved. And, well, she did. She was in love again...and while, at the back of her mind there was this voice telling her to be careful, she just let herself fall into the feeling. Unfortunately, as my earlier paragraph shared, this relationship ended and, she is justifiably sad. But, at the same time, she is proud of herself, and more importantly, freed from the idea that the man that broke her heart all those years ago was her last chance at happiness. And, if nothing else, that is an incredibly important thing to know. And, it is important for all of us...me included.
I really have come to the point of knowing I'd say no to Alex if he were to ask me back, because I know I deserve better. But, even more important, I'm even at the point that I'm willing to risk being hurt again...which, if you know me, is huge for me. I've had my heart hurt twice in my life, broken once so falling in love is a monumental occasion for me. But, the most important thing I learned from my time with Alex is that being in love, truly in love, is so much better than playing it safe as I have done most of my life. Knowing that, and knowing that great rewards come after great risk, means that yes, I meant every word I said to my dear friend/family member earlier. She will again be willing to risk the tears as that is what makes life worth living.
So, even though my risks are much smaller and include a very planned but oh so spontaneous text later this week, I am getting back out there, and doing it with my arms and heart wide open.
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