Gold Star

I know I've compared my journey with Alex to one battling addiction and well, this weekend, I earned whatever the highest chip there is to earn.  If you've read this blog at all, you know I am big on birthdays.  I mean skywriting, fireworks, dancing animal big on birthdays and not just my own. For those in my life, I go pretty nuts and definitely went overboard once or twice in my time with Alex.  Well, yesterday was his birthday and while I thought about him often during the day, not once did I text, Facebook message, email or even send up a silent Happy Birthday to him.  And, for this I earn the gold star.

In my circle of great friends,there is one who says that after 3 weeks you can get over anything.  Well, it has been 3 plus 150+ something since I left Alex and while I am sure I got over him several 3's ago, I do still think about him and getting through his birthday without "making" him think of me with a message of some sort is huge for me.  It means that I am not willing to step backwards nor open myself up to the stomach clenching mess I would be if I did hit send on the text and then wait, forever, for a return response that wasn't coming...or worse yet, did.  This means I really am ready to move forward.  And, well, that is reason to celebrate.  Of course, in my new found fitness regimen, celebrate includes carrots, green peppers and something that doesn't involve refined sugar or alcohol (just on weeknights...weekends, it is all about the Jack, baby...hey, 70 calories!!).

In all honesty, I really am proud of myself. Of course, as a girlfriend and I were discussing earlier, what choice did I have all this time, really?  I am a happy person and one that has a job, kids, dogs, people who rely on me, so curling up into a ball and being sad was never an option.  I knew I was young (well, relatively young...okay, not young, but not old either), not bad to look at and was better off in my new life...even if it hurt.  Pulling the covers over my head and calling it a sick day until I got over Alex wasn't an option and now, almost 3 years later (wait, maybe the magic number is 3 years, not 3 weeks!) I really am a happier, healthier, stronger person.  And, one who will be ready to take on whatever challenge comes next.

And, speaking of those challenges, the number of texts and emails I have been sharing with the sole subject of Operation CM over the past few weeks just shows that you never say never.  While I'm not sure I really want him to jump on a plane and head West for a few days, being able to flirt, laugh and have fun with someone who really is nice, fun and still not bad looking at 44, is not a bad thing.  Hey, again, it beats the alternative.  And, as another friend pointed out, he's a cop...with handcuffs...just saying!

So, as in all great accomplishments, I am going to take a moment to pat myself on the back, say cheers with my Diet Coke (sans Jack on a Sunday night) and think yippee for me!  Oh yeah, and I pre-celebrated with a shopping trip to Ann Taylor and Michael Kors...hey, this deserved a shopping spree, don't you think?!