A sign of the times

It has been months since the kids and I made the two and a half hour trek over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house (or in reality over the mountains and through the valley to my sister's house) so decided it was time.  We had a rare one basketball game weekend, knew my mom and step dad would be traveling to Maine in a few months and well, just felt we needed to go.  We packed the car with the essentials: snacks, warm clothes, lots of booze and off we went.  The kids and I love road trips together and actually have a great time so the trip up was fun, lots of singing, laughing and a stop at Starbucks, of course. Very rarely on these trips with them do I wish for a co-pilot as the three of us have created a comfortable life together so I relish the moments like this.

We arrive in time for lunch with my mom, step dad and nephew (yes, the organic herb growing nephew) and within a matter of minutes I am reminded why it has been months since I have been up here.  There is never an easy example to share as to why my mother drives me crazy but more just a non-stop litany of veiled comments and understated digs.  Considering it was lunch time and I still had to drive my children to my sister's, I couldn't drink anything stronger than a Diet Coke so by the time we left, my normal very low blood pressure was actually climbing steadily.  But, as I often remind myself, she is my mother and almost 70 so I need to appreciate the time with her.

Fast forward a few hours and a couple drinks later and my whole local family was together for dinner and this is one of the times I both miss having someone by my side and, at the same time wonder if anyone would appreciate the various personalities that make my family mine.  I realize all families have issues but when they are your family's issues, you are more protective of the personalities and quirks that make them tick.  I actually tried to picture the hot electrician there (I know, I know...we've never even had a date!!!!) and well, I could.  I couldn't picture Tony Soprano (but then again, I can't picture me with Tony Soprano) and well, didn't want to picture a lifetime of just me either. But, then again, it was a good reminder that I won't settle as I watch my 25 year old cousin on her second marriage, raising her 3 children and always being exhausted and listen to her mom, my aunt, who loves her 3rd husband but whose unemployment makes life tough.  It also shows that you never know who will be the ones to make it as my sister and her husband of 17 years who weren't supposed to make it down the aisle now have the big 2-0 in their sights. And, hey, who doesn't like a reminder that sometimes marriages actually do work!

After about 28 hours, we all met again for a quick lunch and we were off...and, as I drove through the adorable gold rush town, I actually got a little misty eyed.  Misty eyed because these visits just remind me of how close my mom and I aren't, and how sad that makes me.  Misty eyed because as much as I love living in the Bay Area, I really do believe I was meant for a more traditional setting, and misty eyed because I really did just turn 43 and is content really what I want to be.

But, off we went and headed toward our family's halfway lunch time spot of Chevy's...a restaurant where we have celebrated birthdays, holidays, trips, everything for years as it was halfway between the two towns and the kids and I look forward to the familar setting and memories that come with every meal.  We pulled in, were a little surprised by the empty parking lot and were completely floored by the big sign on the door that announced they were closed.  Not closed for the day, not for remodeling but closed, as in forever.  It hit me hard!  Not because we couldn't find another place to eat.  Nor because we don't have a Chevy's in almost every town near us.  But, because it really did signify a need for a change to me.  It was an actual sign that traditions and memories are good but it may just be time to try something new. 

Don't expect me to completely give up my old comforts, and won't close the door on nostalgia but maybe, just maybe, I'll start venturing out on new adventures.