I love birthdays...I know I have written those exact words before but it is true. I like for people to shower me with good wishes and smiles. Well, I like that every day but for some reason, it isn't an ordinary occurence. But, while I would love to analyze why people don't just applaud as I walk by, that isn't the subject of this blog today.
I am part of a book club with a group of moms from the kids' school...yes, the same group of moms I talk about sometimes but I really do like a couple of them and consider them great friends, and well, the others, often provide the reassurance I need that even with the struggles I have, at least I am not them. I know that sounds horrible but really, it isn't undeserved. However, this past Friday we discussed The Alchemist, which made me truly sit back and think. One of the segments discussed not worrying about the future as it really is out of your control. All you can do is live in the present. Granted, this was stated by a nomad in the desert who really had no future to think of so living in the present was his only option.
Yet, today as I gave in to a bit of melancholy for setting myself up to be disappointed today and worrying about spending next year's birthday without a plus one, I thought that maybe the desert man who spoke to the birds and camels might have had it right. Birthdays really shouldn't be a day of reflection as the idea you are one year older isn't always a reason for celebration...once you are past 21, the only highlights are qualifying for your AARP card at 50 and well...hmm...I'm blanking on any others.
However, I still found myself today getting a little teary as I drove my little man and his best friend to their 2nd basketball of the game. In addition to being inexplicably sad that I didn't hear from Alex (I know, I know...believe me, I know) or the hot electrician...who, in his defense, probably doesn't know my birthday qualifies for national holiday status in my book, I was saddenned by the fact that after 10 hours in the gym watching basketball (which I wouldn't change for the world), I didn't have someone to turn to and say "okay, now you can take me to dinner".
Of course, the previous paragraph doesn't explain why I should live in the moment if I am talking about moments that were less than stellar. But, really, if I am honest, living for today really would help my sanity when I get like this. I should relish in the fact my incredible little super star scored 30+ points this weekend, my adorable fire cracker planned my birthday dinner all by herself and I am completely surrounded by amazing friends and family (who really don't have to claim me any more). Why lose sleep about bills that are coming up as things have a way of working out. Don't focus on the fact you are still 20 pounds away from your goal weight; celebrate the fact you have been working out every day for a month now. Enjoy the moments that make up every day as they are the ones who provide the smiles and the sighs.
I know I won't become completely at peace with my current status in life but I really will start trying to stress less and enjoy more. This is where I am supposed to be at this current age and for that I will be content. It worked for the nomads, it should work for a 5'2" package of sass and spice.
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