Didn't see this offered in my college catalog

"So, what did you do last night?" Usually that is a pretty innocuous question, asked by colleagues as you walk to get the daily Starbucks. And, more often than not my answer includes something about basketball, the dogs, maybe even a reality TV show. Truly, not stuff blogs are made of. However, today, if I were to receive that question, I’d probably blush and then start with “OH MY GOSH (yes, in all caps), you are not going to believe what I did last night!”


Since my transition from “in a relationship” to “single” (If I were to be a FB status updater) I have definitely found I really enjoy time with my friends quite a bit. I have an amazing group of girlfriends who could give the Sex in the City foursome a run for their money any day of the week so when one of them makes a request I try to accommodate whenever possible. And, more often than not, have quite the adventure.

I was chatting online with one such girlfriend the other day when she asked if I would go to this class with her. As she has been working very hard to lose weight I figured we might attend a nutrition seminar or training session – both of which I’d be all over at this point in my weight nightmare. She also is looking for a job so thought okay maybe it is a resume building seminar…I can be down with that. So, I checked my email as instructed and actually laughed out loud in my office when the class title came up Lola presents “Male Body Pleasures 101”. Really? Was this a joke? I haven’t been on an actual date in so long that to me male body pleasure meant standing too close to someone in line at Starbucks. But, after realizing she was serious, and after being married 23 years was looking for a little extra spark, I figured what the heck, Tuesday night TV is lame, I didn’t have the kids and really, why not?!

So, 3 women with good hair, nice pedicures and homes in the suburbs jumped into my friend's BMW and headed to Santa Cruz.  If you are not from this area and are unfamiliar with Santa Cruz, it is a funky beach town where recycling old cans and bottles actually counts as an occupation and nice hair means you have more dreadlocks than your shopping cart toting cardboard box mate. But, it is also home to incredible restaurants, cute boutique shops and, of course, Camouflage, the upscale lingerie and "toy" store where the class was being held. 

In we walk and down went my jaw.  The room was packed!  Granted, it wasn't an overly large room but nonetheless it was full...and, let's just go with very diverse.  As we went around the room to introduce ourselves (really?  Can't this be an anonymous visit...can't I just say I'm auditing the class like one does in college?) each person was to share their name and why they were in the class..."I want to be better in bed", "I want to spice up my marriage", "I have been coming to these classes for years and now I finally have a man to practice on" (who was she practicing on before? Wait, don't answer that as I seriously just saw a life size blow up Viking doll!), "I really want to get better at bj's".  Oh my gosh!!! I'm guessing my answer of "Wait, I thought I was in a cooking class" didn't really go over well.  But again, some of these women (and men!) were really trying to make their marriage exciting so I'm not judging.

Until....the 60 year old woman with the jean mini skirt and boy toy boyfriend asked how she could keep her teeth out of the way when she was giving blow jobs.  How about "just take them out honey...they're dentures!"  My bottom lip had teeth marks in it from my unsuccessful attempts to keep from laughing but I couldn't keep the giggles from escaping when the instructor (who made Granola Hippie seem like an understatement) reminded everyone this was an interactive class and she welcomed any and all questions and feel free to use the tactical examples spread throughout the room.  Hold on!  There are samples?!  I don't want to picture most of these people in the room even thinking about sex; let alone actually seeing them handle the whole basket of love she had going on up there.  And, really, please don't let them talk or ask questions...Aw man, someone just asked her how to put on a condom with her mouth.  Okay, I'm now going to start cataloging my closet in my head...brown sweaters on one side...Really, I didn't go to that extreme but it definitely took all of my self control to not sigh out loud.  Partly because I didn't want to be rude but also because I didn't want anyone to mistake my exhale as expression of interest over the masturbation sleeve she was passing around!

Of course, a 90 minute class really does end and no one even tried to force me to buy a toy or even the cute sundress I saw in the window.  And, it really was amusing...with stories to tell, obviously.  I am just chalking it up to new experiences I continue to have in my 40's of fun!  And, who knows, maybe I even learned something.