I should sell tickets to my life...that is how I am going to finance my house on the water. I will just charge people to walk around with me and laugh at my normal day to day activities. Granted, the ticket price can not be too high and my demographic will definitely not be the same clientele who join book clubs and watch foreign films but I bet there'd be a small following. C'mon, people line up for days to watch the Jackass sequels so we know there are those with less than a sophisticated movie palate.
While my life is normally on the busy side, there are a few times each year where it goes into complete overdrive...where I'm living on Diet Coke, Starbucks and jelly beans because I need the caffeine/sugar and can't stop to eat a real meal. Well, I probably could (I'm not actually a brain surgeon or anything like that) but really my days are kind of busy. Now happens to be one of those times...and, unfortunately for me, adrenalin is a total aphrodisiac for me. Yes, I know, I'm crazy but we've established that already. When I'm busy I like to flirt.
Why is this trouble, you might ask...well, because right now my suitable flirting buddies bench isn't that deep. There are a few who I could bring up from the minors but really, for the few weeks I would need them it isn't worth the trouble. Cutie, who we all remember from the trade show last year is always good for a fun text or two but that just isn't cutting it right now. Now, I want Alex...the busiest times in my life almost always involved him, so that is my definite go to flirt place. But, we know that is not a smart place to visit...even though I did text him something completely platonic (no response). So, I needed a distraction....
No, don't worry, I didn't decide to hit the bottom of the barrel on line dating world...never again! No, it was a gorgeous CA night so I took my dogs for a walk. You might be thinking that sounds like a pretty tame distraction considering I was thinking about walking into the danger zone again. But, you've never seen my dogs. You try taking a neurotic cocker spaniel and a Ritalin needing Chi-weenie dog for a stroll and then you can judge. But, I was feeling adventurous and, again, in need of a stress reliever so off we went. Now, I'm sure a few of you are picturing a CA blonde running down the beach throwing a toy for the dogs as they scamper in the waves. Well, don't! Picture a somewhat puffy 5'2" suburban mom tangled up in the leashes of two jumping, spastic 4 legged Tasmanian Devils. Through the path along the levee we went, one darting to one side, one jumping over the other to smell God knows what 3 feet away, with me, constantly jumping over one's leash just to trip over the tail of another. I had just about decided I had hit dog walker bottom when I went to cross the street, only to do a full drunken stumble right in front of some hot lawyer looking dude in a Hummer. Lovely!!! Yes, sure he'll be chasing me down to get my number. Jennifer Lopez, the dog walker I'm not!
We, of course, made it to the safety of my house...and full glass of wine...and I have lost the urge to text...well..anyone. So, I guess we'll call it a success. But, even as you read this, I'm betting you would have paid to have ring side seats, with a margarita of course, for the running of the dogs.
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