The Playtex Wars

There are certain moments a mother thinks about when she looks at her daughter's future...her first pedicure, learning to wear make up, her first kiss, buying her first bra, her wedding, her first child, etc...all moments I have and will cherish with my daughter...especially because none of them were big with my mom. Now, if I had been interested in peace marches or buying Birkenstocks, those would have been huge moments...Anyhow, as I was saying, having a daughter means being able to look forward to these bonding moments. 

So, imagine my surprise when my incredibly precocious and open 8 year old daughter announces to me the other day that she got a set of sports bras at Wal-Mart.  As I never want to completely freak out in front of the kids, and because it wasn't like she said she bought a thong at Victoria's Secret, I calmly (at least I think I was calm) asked "Oh, you did?  Did Daddy buy those for you?"  I was thinking maybe she had been begging for these and he just threw them in the cart, not really thinking about what they were.  I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not wanting to crucify him before I knew the whole story.

Again, because, my daughter truly has no filter, and really shouldn't at age 8, quickly points out that the 6 ft tall Qupie doll girlfriend bought them for her.  Really??  I tried to, again, without hyperventilating, ask how this came about.  I mean, it isn't like my daughter has hit puberty early, nor has this even been a topic of conversation, EVER!  So, how exactly is it, that a woman, who one, has never had children, and two, on any given day can be overwhelmed by mine (and his) now has all of this motherly instinct??  Of course, the 8 year old answers (as she does with many things), "I don't know."

I was incredibly proud of my restraint, as I didn't send off a "Are you flipping kidding me?  Did the Amazon with the enhanced C cup truly buy my very impressionable pre pubescent daughter a bra????"  text.  Probably because I knew it would be over the limit of 160 characters.  But, again, with the tension we have had lately decided this was a conversation best had in person, and not in a location with sharp objects.

I'm not crazy, right?  There are just certain lines you don't cross...especially when I have been nothing but nice to this woman since the day she entered my former husband's life.  And, just because she has drama non-mama moments does not mean she needs to include my children in her latest attempts to prove she can handle being a full time step mom. 

The next day at our regular Starbucks morning, in a very non high pitch voice, I said "So, I heard we made some interesting purchases at Wal-Mart yesterday..." with a very pointed look.  My 11 year old son, who is often too wise for his own good, said, "yeah, really weird purchases!"...which elicited a much needed laugh.  The former husband had the good sense to look chagrined and commented that yes, that was odd and he wondered if I knew why.  I, of course, assured him, the why didn't come from me at all and that an actual one (non sports version) was not to be purchased for a very long time.  The look tried to convey that I would be that person buying that version but don't worry, it will be clearly stated before that time.

Now that I have had my Tasmanian devil Mom moment, I will go back to being the sweet as pie, invite her over to dinner, Southern hospitality picture of graciousness I usually try to be.  But, be forewarned, don't mess with a Momma!