Danger...Curves Ahead

I love to drive. I mean it, I think I could have been a race car driver in a past life. But, not one of those who just goes around a track, but instead one like in Europe where they go through mountains. I’m sure there is a word for that type of race but I just can’t think of it right now. Or, I could just have done one of those races in Smoky in the Bandit. Anyhow, my point is, I like to drive. I open up my sun roof, play the music really loud, sing at the top of my lungs and well, drive fast. So, it makes sense that I will use a driving analogy today for my current state of mind.


There have been times in my life where I’ve either owned or just driven a sports car and would find myself looking forward to trips that would take me into the mountains, on curvy roads and would inhale just a little deeper whenever I’d see the “Danger, Curves Ahead” road signs. Those curves are fun, and I’d enjoy navigating my way through the turns and twists at just the right speed…knowing when to take my foot off the gas a little and anticipating when to speed up…ensuring the car was hugging the pavement just so and avoiding unwanted relationships with oncoming traffic. The curves were a nice break from the long straight-aways where, even though I could drive faster, there was no real excitement and I didn’t have to really think about my actions other than to just keep it between the lines. But, the reason those curves were fun was because they were just part of the trip, not the whole journey. I needed the straight-aways to balance out the curves. And, now, in a time of curves ahead, I am glad I’ve had a few years of straight-aways to prepare me.

If you have read this blog at all, you know I am a control freak who has not relinquished control over my heart very often…actually not often at all as many of you can attest and have approached dating very cautiously over the past 3 years. And, while I’m still operating under the yellow flag, I can say I am feeling the adrenaline rush of knowing there are dangerous curves ahead because I think I could really like the hot electrician. I won’t bore you with his many attributes as you’ve read them all before but now I think he is starting to see mine. But, and this is where my anxiety comes in, I am so not in control of this. He doesn’t send me the daily texts (or even weekly) telling me how fabulous I am. He isn’t going to wear his heart on his sleeve. And, he isn’t going to just show me how enamored he is with my charm, my wit and my slightly less fluffy body. And, before you get all worked up wondering why I’m interested then, remember, if he did all of those things I wouldn’t go out with him again. We all know this to be true. I need to not be in the driver’s seat for anything real to work.

I’ve lived the past 3 years in various stages…first stage, start breathing again after leaving Alex, second stage, breathe and take cautious steps forward with my life, third stage, explore what my new world has to offer and enjoy it but don’t let your heart get involved and now, I guess, we may be at stage four. This is the stage where if I want to see if something could be real I need to actually let myself feel and just hope for the best. Yes, I could get hurt again. But, as I said to myself yesterday “I got over Alex. I can get over anything”. So, here I am, strapping on my racing helmet, cranking up the tunes and headed straight for the curves. Gentlemen, start you engines…and wish me luck!